Tonight I went to Party with Jesus for the first time since i've been here at ONU.

Party with Jesus is basically a student led worship night. Music, Scripture, and a short message.

I had never went before tonight, but one of my roommates asked me to go and another roommate was playing in the worship team. So I grabbed my key and a jacket and went.

I am so glad that I chose to go to Party with Jesus tonight. Jordan's message hit me right in the gut. I needed to hear it. And the music was absolutely wonderful!! (And not just because I had friends playing...the songs the picked were perfect!)

Jordan did his message on John 1:35-38.

His focus was on the question that Jesus asked the men that were following Him. He knew they were behind Him and He turned and asked them, "What do you want?" Jesus did not say this in an annoyed voice or our of frustration.

Jesus asked them this question genuinely. He was asking them what they wanted from Him, what they wanted from their relationship with Him.

What are you really following me for?
What do you want to get out of it?
Are you just in it for what I give?
Or are you in it for Me?

What do you want? What do you really want?

Those men that were following behind Him couldn't come up with anything beyond "Where are you staying?" as a response, which ironically does not answer Jesus' question.

Jesus responds by telling them, "Come, and I'll show you." This is in verse 39.

Like those men we do not have the exact answer to that question when we are faced with it, at least not generally, but especially when Jesus is asking it.

What do we really want from Him? From our relationship with Him? Do we really want Him or are we just in it for the benefits?

If we were asked this on the spot by Him, what would our response be?

Likely something similar to that of those two men. We would avoid the question because we don't know the answer.

But here is the thing... Jesus does not turn us away or send us off if we do not have an answer on the spot.

He gives us time to figure it out. We may not know for a while or really ever figure it out completely, but He gives us time to seek Him and find the answer.

We may find it difficult to figure out an answer to that question. What do you want?

We can ask God to show us what we really want. We can ask for that to be shown to us.

I personally do not have an answer in this moment to that question. I do not know what I want. I truly do not know. I am asking that God show me what I want, what I truly want in my heart.

Maybe what I want is what I have though I have wanted the past couple years. Or maybe it is something completely different, something that requires sacrifice to truly follow and pursue.

I do not know what it is, but I know that God knows and that He can show me.

Until then I will continue to seek Him, to grow closer to Him.

What do you want? Are you in it for the things that He gives or are you in it for Him? Would you have an answer immediately or would you need time to think about it, to pray about it?

Are We Really Showing Love Like Jesus?

     An anon that I follow on Twitter posted about a lesson that her youth pastor did on 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. He had the teens read the verse and every time the word love came up they were to replace it with their name. He used this as a way to show them that we do not really love like Jesus. Out of curiosity, I want to take a closer look at this.

Here is the original passage:

     Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Here it is with my name inserted where the words love and it come up:

     Shelbi is patient, Shelbi is kind. Shelbi does not envy, Shelbi does not boast, Shelbi is not proud. Shelbi does not dishonor others, Shelbi is not self-seeking, Shelbi is not easily angered, Shelbi keeps no records of wrongs. Shelbi does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. Shelbi always protects, [Shelbi] always trusts, [Shelbi] always hopes, [Shelbi] always perseveres.

Take a moment if you wish, to read it with your name inserted or to write it down.

     Looking at things that way changes the whole meaning of what love is and how we show it to others. While reading that I realized just how many of those I am not good at, nor do I do on a regular basis. Yet we as Christians are supposed to love like Jesus loved. Jesus loved just like this, which means we should love this way as well. Yet how often do we pay attention to whether or not we are loving this way.

I know personally that I do not pay attention to whether or not I am doing these things.

     Patience. I am not patient all the time. Some times I just get tired, frustrated, overwhelmed, stressed, or any number of things, and any semblance of patience is lost. Now I may be able to stay patient for quite a long while, but eventually I get worn down and I grow impatient. God has definitely been working on me in regards to this matter over the last year or so. However, there are still times when I realize that I need to be more mindful of my patience. I may not always voice my impatience out loud, but a lot of times I may dwell on it in my mind, which is just as bad as talking about it out loud. I have to ask God to work on my patience on a daily basis.

     Kindness. This one can go hand in hand with patience. I am generally kind regardless of my patience, but some times I am not in a good mood or have had a bad day and I do not always treat or react to people in the kindest manner. I am working on this on a regular basis.

     Envy. Although this is something that many people do not want to talk about, at least not on a regular basis, it is something that is highly prevalent in our daily lives. Personally I know that I often do deal envy on a fairly regular basis. It may be about something something or it may be about something more serious and more personal. While what I am envious of may change and may not be of the greatest importance, but the fact that I am envious at all is a huge deal and something that I need to ask God to help me with  on a daily basis.

     Boasting. Some times it just feels good to tell people about what we did and how great we did at it. However, some times we take it a little too far and we talk about how much better we are than someone else or how much praise we got from someone in regards to something, or any number of things. While I do not do it often, I do find myself dealing with this every now and then.

     Proud. I do not even have to go into detail. This one is simple and straight forward and I deal with it often.

     Dishonoring Others. I also do  not think I need to go into detail on this one (at least not at this point), but I do have moments some times where it does happen, even if it is unintentional.

     Self-seeking. Although I may not like to admit it, I do half a lot of selfish tendencies. These tendencies are not beneficial for me or for anyone else I come into contact with. This is something that we are taught to think of as something that is not an issue, but as Christians we know that it is a very big issue. One that can wreak havoc in our lives and it keeps us from being able to show love in the way that we should.

     Easily Angered. Another one that I feel that I do not need to go into detail on. I definitely do need to work on not being so easily angered and I need to make sure that I ask God to help me in this area.

     No Records of Wrongs. I definitely do not go into this one. I need to make sure to ask God to help me to not hold grudges and dwell on them. It is not beneficial to me or anyone else.

     I could keep going but I do not want this post to be too long. I could most definitely go into far more detail with all of these things, which would ultimately make my point. We do not do as well as we should when it comes to how we love others like Jesus. We want to say that we are showing His love through numerous things, but are we really showing it in the way we act and in are attitudes? Do they reflect Jesus' love to those we come in contact with?

     I think that this is a good reminder for all of us to make sure that we are paying attention to ourselves and asking God to work on us in all of these areas. We will never be perfect here on Earth, but He can help to shape us towards being more like Him on a daily basis. With His help we have the ability to show His love to those around us in the best way possible. Looking at love in this manner is not natural for us, but I think it is something that we should be doing on a regular basis. It is really humbling when we do so.

We are to love like Jesus and I think this is a great way to evaluate whether we are or not.

Are you showing love like Jesus? Or do you need to work on somethings with the help of God?

Living Like Jesus | Day 2

The daily reading was Luke 1:26-38.

Here is the link for an online version:

Luke 1:26-38 (NIV)

The SOAP reading was Luke 1:37-38.

37"For no word from God will ever fail." 38"I am the Lord's servant," Mary answered. "May it be to me according to your word." Then the angel left her.

1. The angel points out Elizabeth's pregnancy as a sign that God follows through on what He says, even in what may seem to be the most unlikely of circumstances.

2. Based on the wording of the passage, it seems as though Mary responds to the angel in a calm manner despite the utter confusion she must have been in throughout this encounter.

This passage points out the fact that we need to trust God even when we do not know what is happening or how it is happening. Verse 37 says that God's word never fails and we have to put all of our trust in Him and believer that this is the truth. If we trust Him completely then we will be able to more willingly and more easily surrender to His plan for out lives. We do not know what is going to happen in our daily lives, but we do know that God has promised us so much in His word and He will never fall back on those promises. What He says will happen, will happen. We make look at the circumstances and have no earthly idea of what He could possibly do to chance the situation for the better, but if we put all of our trust and our faith in Him then even the things that seem like impossibilities will happen. 

There will be days when we just look at our lives and think "There's no way this can turn out good."

We will probably also have a moment (or longer) where we think that even God cannot fix the situation and make it work out well and for His purpose.

However, God can surprise us with just how different a situation turns out despite our original thoughts about it.

We just have to willingly submit to Him and His plan and purpose for our lives.

We need to be like Mary.

We need to trust Him and wholeheartedly follow the path/plan He has laid out for us.

This plan may seem completely unrealistic, and maybe from the world's perspective it is, but we have God on our side.

God's plan will always work out even in the face of adversity and hardship.

And I would have to say that just living in this world is part of the hardship.

Yet we know that we will not succumb to the hardship and adversity because God will walk with us the whole way.

God's plans will not fail.

God's word will not fail.

GOD WILL NEVER FAIL. 

Perfect Imperfection

So for those of you who do not know the story behind the above picture, here's a quick recap for ya:

I went hiking with some girls from my floor last year and a handful of guys from our brother floor. We went to Perry Farms and we were going along fine, but as only I can do, I managed to cut open my leg. I don't know exactly what happened or where I cut it because I just kinda looked down and was like "Oh hey! My leg is bleeding!" My RA then proceeded to tell me to go find the other RA who had the First Aid kit. After bandaging myself up, getting through with our hiking trip, and going to Walmart for guaze, ointment, and an ACE bandage, I cleaned it up and realized that it was a fairly straight and smooth cut. It is roughly a foot or so in length.

So this is an old picture and not a new one, but you can imagine that it left a nice scar up my left calf.

The scar has slowly faded in some spots, but for the most part is still highly visible.

I have been told by people in my immediate family and some other people that I am close with that because of this scar I am now imperfect and that I need to find a guy who likes imperfections.

Talk about a blow to your self-esteem right there.

I took that hard and for a while tried to cover it up whenever possible to avoid the stares and questions.

This went on for a short while until I realized that it didn't matter what people thought.

It is still hard though for me to realize that the right guy won't care if I have a scar running the length of my calf.

It's still something that I am kinda self-conscious about even though I have no reason to be.

It was an accident and something unavoidable.

Yet due to comments by other people I feel like it is something that detracts from my outward appearance.
It shouldn't make an impact, but it inadvertently does.
It is a physical blemish that cannot be erased.
It is a mark on my skin that has a story behind it.
It is a stigma that gets looks and unnecessary comments.
It is not what most would call beautiful yet it is a part of me.

 This is just one of many scars that I have physically, which is only part of a long list that includes inward scars.
Some of these have been accidental and due to things that were not in any way my fault.
Some of these were self-inflicted, as much as I hate to admit it.
I have more scars than a lot of people, but not nearly as many as some.
The causes for them vary all the way across the spectrum.
I have scars that I actually have no clue where they came from.
I have scars that I can tell you exactly what I was feeling, where I was, who I was with, and what time of day it was when it happened.
I have scars on my feet, ankles, legs, and knees from various sports, activities, and stupid stunts i've done.
I have scars on my arms and hands from the same things.
I have scars that are not noticeable unless I point them out, but then I have ones like the one on my leg that are blatantly obvious.
I also have scars on my hand and wrist that, although sort of obvious, I purposely try to hide and not draw attention to.
Why do I try not to draw attention to these scars?
I try to avoid drawing attention to them because they were not caused in any way by an accident.
They are there due to acts that were done on purpose.
They are physical signs of pain, hurt, and rejection I was feeling.
They are signs of weakness that I couldn't hold in anymore but didn't know how else to express.
They are marks that show my moments of succumbing to temptation.
These scars cannot be erased either.
They are permanent marks that are evidence of my weak, human state.
They are evidence of times that I gave up hope.
They are signs of utter despair and depression.

There is also another side that they display.
They show where God has brought me from.
They show me, as well as others, what I have overcome and survived.
They are signs of strength, courage, and determination.
They are reminders to myself that even in weakness I am strong through Jesus.
Though the world may judge me because of them, God loves me despite them.
Although many tears flowed when they were caused and many since then, there is joy because I am no longer caught by the lies that told me to cause them in the first place.
Though there is still pain in my life, I no longer have any desire to express it this way.
They are signs that I have hope in my Lord Jesus Christ.

I could go on and on with a list of scars that I have inwardly.
Brought upon by heartache, pain, sorrow, hurt, lies, anger, bitterness, broken promises, rejection, confusion, and so much, much more.
These scars cut deep and they resonate within me.
They are being healed by the Great Healer.
However, there are times when those scars bring back memories and emotions that physically upset me.
They tear me apart inside at times.
One comment or remark, a song, a quote, a magazine article, or a post on Tumblr.
These have all caused those memories and emotions to surface.
I am falling apart inside because of them, but I give them to God.
He is working to help me get past them and to heal them.
There are good things that can come from them, even if it may not seem so.

Though society, including friends and family, may view all of my scars as imperfections, God doesn't.
I feel like God was most likely just sad when He saw what was causing the scars.
I feel like that deeply hurt Him.
Yet He sees them not as imperfections detracting from my beauty, but rather as merely marks of my past that show how far He has brought me.
He sees me as beautiful in Him regardless of the scars.
Whether outward or inward, accidental or on purpose.
They are not imperfections in the eyes of the Father.
God looks at the heart not at the physical body or outward appearance.
So my scars are not anything to be ashamed of as long as I have asked for help and for forgiveness for those that were caused intentionally.
God has already healed me on numerous levels and He is working continuously.
I may not be blemish free and I will never be perfect.
But I am perfectly imperfect through His love and I have no problem with that.
I rejoice in my victory through God!

I Just Can't Help It

Some people find their worth in their jobs, others in the clothes they wear.

And still others in their physical appearance.

What I have come to realize is that I don't feel like I get my worth from any of that.

I came to realize last night while watching the guys play another game or two of Ultimate was that I find my worth and my value in what I can do.

I have spent years doing and now I have people, specifically guys, who tell me to just relax and let them get it.

I am not used to it at all and it drives me crazy to just stand there.

Whether that's when we're playing a game or sports, or moving something or packing up a trailer.

I just have this urge to get in and do.

So when people tell me not to do something or to just watch I have a hard time just watching or not doing anything.

I get all fidgety and bouncy while standing there.

I never stopped to think about why I do that.

I didn't used to be that way when I was much younger.

But ever since my mom's accident I feel like i've become someone who does that.

So it's something that has happened in the last 5yrs or so.

(Or at least it seems that way.)

I put so much of who I am into what I can do, physically speaking, and so moving things, caring things, or going all out while playing a sport or a game is just who I am.

I attach my worth to other people to what I can do.

I know this isn't a good thing, but it's just part of who I am.

When I just sit around and watch I feel like i'm not worth anything to the people around me.

I feel like I am letting them down and making things difficult for them.

And when it comes to sports I just feel like I look weak when I have to sit and watch.

I hate this feeling.

Yet it so strong and such a part of me.

I know I should get my worth and my value from Jesus and not from man, but for some reason I still have this need to have my worth and value in other people's eyes be based on what I am physically able to do to help them.

I also hate that I get so frustrated and upset when people won't let me help out or play a sport.

I get all frustrated with the situation and it can get the best of me.

I felt terrible last night at Hidden Cove when the guys decided to play another couple games but wouldn't let me play because my arm was acting up.

I just kind of sat there with what I'm sure was either a facial expression that showed that I was angry or really upset.

And I feel terrible that I was having such a fit about it.

It's not mature to act that way nor is it beneficial to me in any way.

Chad and the guys were just taking precautions and putting my safety above my want to play.

Which is appreciated, even though it bothered me, because I've never really had anyone care about whether or not I played with an injury. 

(Other than my mom of course.)

I'm truly grateful for the fact that they all care enough to make me sit out when they think i'm likely to get hurt if I keep playing.

I don't necessarily always do a good job of stopping myself when I should.

I'll keep going until i'm really injured or in a ridiculous amount of pain.

That's just how I am.

Not my best quality, but ya know.

So when the guys wouldn't let me play I was really frustrated with them at first, but after sitting there a short while I got to thinking and that's where this post came from.

They were just looking out for me and they didn't deserve my frustration for it.

They were just doing what they all thought was best for me and I have to admit that it probably was a good thing for me to sit out.

[Yes guys, I just agreed with you...again :) ]

(And that's a whole 'nother post topic all together...my stubbornness)

I just don't know how to get a balance of doing and not doing.

Especially since i've spent years equating my worth & value to what I can physically do.

I don't know what to do to make it balanced.

I feel stuck and I don't know what to do about it.

I don't like to stand still and watch, but at the same time I know there are times I should.

I just have a hard to figuring out which times I should help and which ones I shouldn't.

This is frustrating to me but i'm glad I've realized it.

Well now that i'm done ranting, I am going to try to keep myself entertained this morning.

Just Needed To Share Something

Ok, so I just wanted to share something and thought this was the perfect place.

This week we are doing Block Parties at parks throughout the community.

We have been joined this week by a missions team from Arkansas (about 30 people).

Patrick had quite a day yesterday organizing everything with the team throughout the day as well as getting things ready for the Block Party last night.

So after he came and got me we headed back to the park.

We get there and the mission team is out there just having a blast with everything.

They had different booths set up with various things.

They had a tent set up where Faith was doing balloon animals (and other things) and Naomi and some of the other girls were doing face painting.

Jerry was all about doing the cotton candy. Well at least he was when he wasn't going around to other booths and talking with us and the kids that were there.

Justin had a game set up and so did Jessica.

There were hot dogs, popcorn, and sno cones.

There was music going. (And some dancing every now and then as well.)

It was a great time getting to talk with some of the people from the neighborhood and even getting a chance to get better acquainted with the mission team from Arkansas.

Being me, I was watching the different people come and go and kinda watching how long they were lingering around and talking to people.

There was one couple that was there who i'd been watching, and apparently so had some of the Arkansas mission team.

This couple had gotten there when it started and they were definitely lingering.

I grabbed a card with some of our info and a little map of our location and then headed on over to talk to them some more.

I sat down and got to talking with them again.

Made some connections with them through Olivet, as well as through where we were from.

We then got to talking about some random things and then he asked me how I got connected with Journey Church.

So I told him how I started coming and how I really started getting involved.

I talked a little about the summer mission team.

And then he surprised me by sharing some of his church history.

As he shared that and I talked to him a little more about Journey, it was clear that he was interested in Journey and thinking about coming to church.

They both seemed very interested in the church and said they'd really like to check it out.

Talk about the whole crazy day being worth it.

And like Patrick made a point of, those two people may never have even considered going to church, specifically speaking ours, if we hadn't sat down and talked with them for two hours.

That process of building a relationship with them and building trust with them is what opens the doors to get them interested in the church and interested in learning more about God.

It was such a great opportunity to get to know them!

Seeing them warm up to us and to the possibility of coming to church as we were sitting there talking was incredible.

I'm praying that God will be working in their hearts this week through the seed that we planted last night.

And even if we don't see them at church, at least we know that we made an impact in there lives.

And that is why we are doing this.

That is what we are all about.

The devil may have tried to tear everyone down all day, but in the end God prevailed.

God was moving and He will continue to move this week!

 

Falling at the feet of my Heavenly Father

These days it isn't uncommon in the least for children to not have a one or even both of their parents. In this world no one seems to think twice about it.

Divorce is common place and children grow up never knowing their parents.

It is more common for the father to leave, although it seems like this is changing these days.

The negatives of growing up without a father are constantly growing.

I myself have had to deal with this very issue.

Due to this I have had problems in my life, both in my relationships and my spiritual walk.

It is fairly easy to guess what the issues in relationships are.

However, it may not be so easy to see how it has impacted my relationship with Jesus.

Growing up without a positive fatherly image in my life has caused me to have trust issues along with many other issues I do not think are worth sharing at the moment.

This trust issue has caused me to not look positively at father figures.

Consequently this has made looking at God as a Father.

Trusting Him to be the Father that I have never had (and in all honesty could never have) is something that I have been struggling to do.

Many times throughout the past school year this was talked about by speakers in chapel.

It is something that I have been working on throughout this past year.

Many floor Bible studies also brought up the topic.

For some reason I just have trouble fully wrapping my mind around the thought that God is also my Heavenly Father.

I am not sure what keeps me from accepting it other than the fact that I previously mentioned.

I was reading my Bible today and ran across a couple verses that seemed to just click with me.

5A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

6God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing.

-Psalm 68:5-6a

"I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty."

-2 Corinthians 6:18

Even though I may not have had a father in my life showing me how a father is supposed to treat his children, there is a God who wants to show me how a true Father is supposed to treat His children.

My Heavenly Father has shown me and continues to show me what it is like and how blessed I am to be His child.

He is constantly protecting me and blessing me.

Like the Psalm says, God has placed me in a family.

He has placed me in an adopted extended family that is absolutely incredible!!

(I also don't get to see often enough!! This past week of Family Reunion was a blessing!!)

On top of that He has placed me in an amazing church family at Journey that I am continuously being blessed by whenever I am with them!!

God has shown me what it is truly like to be a child of the one Father who loves me unconditionally, continuously shows me grace and mercy, and never leaves me.

He is my Father and He always will be.

An earthly father may fail but my Heavenly Father will never fail.

Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me. -Psalm 27:10

My Jesus Would Never Be Accepted In My Church

Before reading farther into this post, please take a minute to watch (or rather listen) to this video.

Take the 6 minutes, play the song and close your eyes and listen.

 Ignore all of the distractions and focus on the lyrics.

I promise you that it is worth it.

(Just in case anyone wants them:  My Jesus by Todd Agnew Lyrics )

Have you ever taken the time to realize who Jesus really is?

Who the Jesus that you serve, worship, and praise truly is?

Have you ever stopped to figure out whether you are truly following Jesus or rather a Jesus that fits your world and your life better?

Which Jesus do you serve?

Do you serve the Jesus that people paint pictures of that is perfect with brown hair and blue eyes?

The Jesus that makes you feel comfortable?

Or do you serve the Jesus that makes any others feel uncomfortable because He isn't picture perfect?

Are you following the Jesus that was beaten, whipped, and hung on the cross?

The first sounds like the Jesus that would fit our worlds her on earth, but the second sounds like the Jesus that I want to serve.

The sad part is that many Churches prefer to stay with the first.

The second is not welcome in most Churches.

There is just one problem with that.

We cannot pick which side of Jesus that we want to follow and serve.

Following and serving Him means doing so wholly.

It means that we follow the comfortable and the uncomfortable.

Ephesians 5:1-2

"Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."

We are supposed to live lives that are honoring to God. 

According to Ephesians, we should be imitating the God we say we serve.

We should be doing it everyday, all day.

Yet how many times do we go about our lives without even taking the time to think about the way that God would want us to go about our lives??

If you stop to take a look around then you would realize that our world is centered on materialism.

Even worse is when you look around and see that the church has become centered on it as well.

We want to have the big building with the fancy windows, elegant molding, and the best furnishings that can be bought on a church budget.

We are so focused on the appearance of the church that it seems as though we forget about the Church itself.

(To clarify, the church- the building and Church- the family of believers)

What would happen if we actually spent time following Jesus' footsteps and caring for the poor, the disabled, and those that can't help themselves?

What if we stepped out and conversed with, even possibly get to know, those that many in the church/Church would refer to as 'sluts', 'prostitutes', or 'hookers'?

What about the alcoholics, the drug addicts, or porn addicts?

What do you think would  happen if we started spending time with those that most consider to be less than themselves??

 It may be uncomfortable for us at first, but the difference we could make if we were to step outside of our comfort zones could be astronomical.

So why are we not doing it?

Why are we idling sitting by?

If we want to make a difference we need to have a desire to be like Jesus.

We have to be willing to be uncomfortable if that is what it takes to follow His will.

Stepping out in faith and following Him.

That is what it takes.

 (I want to go on with this but I do not want to drag it on and risk being redundant. A post in the future based on the same topic is possible though.)