One Of My Present Dilemmas...

20 July 2013

At this time of night I really just feel like being completely honest with you all. It may take me a minute of rambling to get there but I really feel that I need to just open up. It's been said that people like to read posts that are written by people who are genuine. Well, I want to be really genuine with you all tonight/this morning. My heart has really been heavy the last couple months about a particular topic and I have talked about it some with Kristin, but not as much as I feel like I need to. While those talks have helped, I really felt a need to share this with my followers & fellow bloggers. So here it goes...

The last couple months have really been rough for me in the area of relationships. I find it extremely hard to be one of the very few of my friends who are still single. I keep getting Facebook messages & news feed updates about friends getting engaged, married, and even having kids. Yet I sit around eating food, listening to sappy love songs, and reading blogs. I really have this desire to have a relationship and get married in the future. Thing is...watching all my friends get engaged and married makes me extremely impatient with the whole waiting thing that I seem to be doing. I know that God has a plan for me and that His plan in this particular area of my life will be far better than anything I could dream of. Yet I find it hard to just sit back and trust Him about it. I just want to move things along.

It also hasn't helped that i've had a few rough experiences with guys in the past year, one of which has really had a fairly negative affect on me. It is not that these guys were bad guys. They were all Christians, some stronger than others, and we had a lot in common, but the timing was just off. I don't know if things will change in regards to any of them in the future but at this point they are not in the picture in that manner anymore. It is hard to not sit around and wonder why I have went almost 21 years now without a boyfriend/relationship and at this point it seems as though the prospects are few and far between. It is hard not to wonder what's wrong with me and if i'm doing something that is pushing them away unintentionally. I know that I do have some things that I do subconsciously and I am working on fixing those. It can just get hard when everyone around you seems to be in a relationship and you're just kinda sitting on the sidelines by yourself.

I definitely feel that this will not be the case forever, but there are moments when I even question that. It is just hard to wait when you hit that age where everyone else is getting married and you still haven't had a single boyfriend. Everyone asks about who you are interested in and asks why you aren't dating anyone and other such questions. I really just wish I no longer had to deal with that. But I know that part of the waiting process is having patience. It will all work out how it is supposed to.

I hope I didn't make this too repetitive or anything, but this has just really been something that I am struggling with. I know this isn't a super specific post and maybe later i'll be more specific about it, but for now I think i've shared enough of the basics. My hope is that this does not seem like complaining because it is not. This is just something that has been on my heart lately and has been a big struggle.

Have any of you been in this situation or felt the same? What are some things that you have done that helped make it easier? Have you learned anything in your period of waiting?


  1. Hi Shelbi,
    I just want to say that I understand your feelings and your longing to be in a relationship or married. First let me preface this by saying I was married at 18 years old and have now been married for 8 years. While marriage is not the thing I have had a specific longing for I now long to be a mom. Waiting for God's timing is rough so I do not discount your feelings. It is hard to not know what the future hold for us, but thankfully its not our job to worry about that at all. I like you spend time wondering when is it going to be my turn, how come it's so easy for them. But comparison is the thief of joy, and when we let feelings like this kick in we can become jealous. I will be the first to admit that I struggle with jealousy when I see people get pregnant without even wanting to be or without even trying. Though those feeling are normal I know they are sinful and I don't want something as trite as feelings leading me from the cross. Anyhow I just want to encourage you that God's timing will be perfect. It's better to be single than in the wrong relationship. God is preparing you a godly man which is so important in a marriage - so don't settle, don't look, trust in God to supply you with the right guy in the right time. I am praying for you. In the meantime stop by my blog and read a post I wrote on singleness maybe it will help.


    The Word of A Nerd

    1. Charity,
      I definitely thank you for the prayers! Lately they have been needed greatly. It is daily work to trust that He has a plan in store that I cannot even begin to imagine. It is not something that I am finding easy, but I am trying to learn how to be content where I am despite my singleness. Recently it has been hard as a guy was in my life and we were talking, but when he told me that he wasn't a Christian and didn't find that to be a big deal I felt the need to cut it short. I just didn't feel right about it. It was tough and it wasn't the first time it has happened. Being in the wrong relationship is definitely not what I want. I am really learning about how I can be truly focused in on ministry at my church and at my school even during this time.
      I actually have read your posts and keep up with your blog! It has been very encouraging and I love to read your posts!!
      Again, thank you for the prayers!!


  2. Wow, I can relate to this so much. I'm in the exact.same.boat. I'm so sorry, but I have no advice because I feel the same way you do in regards to this situation! My own twin is engaged, 2 of my friends will probably soon be engaged, and I've never even been asked out before. I've heard people say to appreciate your single years because you'll never get them back and so and so on, but I honestly don't have that viewpoint. I'm not depressed or complaining either, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't frustrating. I'll be praying for you girl :)

    1. I totally know where you are coming from! I have heard that same phrase and while I get what they are saying, I also find that it isn't as easy as it sounds. Lately I have found myself praying that God will teach me how to be content where I am. Learning to pour myself into working for His Kingdom and being a part of the ministry of my church has really been helpful. By putting my focus on Him I find that I have less time to focus on my singleness. It definitely isn't easy and some days are more of a struggle than others, but it is definitely not impossible! I totally understand being frustrated about it, as I find myself feeling the same way.
      I'll definitely being praying for you!! :)


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