25 January 2013

So yesterday was my birthday.
The big 20.

Apparently I was supposed to be ridiculously excited and overjoyed about the day.
However, I just wasn't feeling it.
I was just feeling totally and completely down and out.
Had myself thinking about things, but due to some news I was just not there.
I did what I always do....I blocked everyone out by putting on a smile and saying everything was all good.
I made myself numb to everything and blocked out everything.
It was just easier that way.
It's easier that way today as well.
I know I should talk to someone, but I just don't know who to talk to.
I do not want to have to explain everything to someone.
Yet I do not know that I will be able to talk to one of the few people who knows the situation.
The one person I want to talk to is 4 1/2 hours away.
Who knows where the guys are, or rather the one who actually knows my life.
And my bestfriend is like 8 hours away.
I am feeling just stuck and lost.
I don't know how to get away from all of this and forget about it.
I'm just trying to hold up and keep myself from doing something stupid.
Praying that i'll make it through all this craziness.

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