God will give me the strength I need!!

02 June 2012

It's been a while since I have been able to post...(actually only like a week and a half...ish...)
There is so much going on my life at the moment and I feel like the devil is trying his hardest to push me over the edge, to push me to my limits. I feel like he is trying to tear me apart, especially on the inside. 

Everything with my parents divorce is coming at me fast. Financial issues, psychological issues and what I would call manipulation, emotional stress, and just stress in general.
I feel like the devil is using this situation to his advantage.
I constantly feel like this situation is defeating me. It is seemingly overwhelming and having a disastrous effect on my life. It is affecting everything from family relationships to my life 
here in Illinois with college and everything that goes with that.
I feel stuck and like I cannot do this college thing. 
Because of financial issues that have been brought up by this divorce. 
My mom cannot afford to pay for the bill and I do not have the money to do so either. 
Tax money was supposed to pay for the rest of my bill from this past year, but due to my 'father' not splitting the money with my mom like he is supposed to, my mom cannot pay the bill. 
This is leaving me to pay the bill with the money that I am working for this summer by working full time at my college all summer in the custodial department. 
I would not say that this is the ideal situation. For me or my mom.

The worst part of the whole thing is that I feel like the devil is using this to make me feel like I am failing and like I cannot get beyond this.
And I honestly would like nothing better than to get beyond this situation.

God provided the money for me to even be here to begin with, so I am not questioning whether or not I am supposed to be here. (Not yet anyways...)
Yet I have this feeling that the financial side of this whole college thing is not going to pan out for a second year and that scares me.
I do not want to leave Olivet. Not in the least.
Yet I feel like I am continuously at the edge of not being able to return this fall.

I know all of these negative feelings and thoughts are from the devil himself, as God would not put such thoughts in my head, but for some reason they seem like the truth. 
I need to let go and let God.
I cannot let the devil win over my thoughts and feelings.
I can do this with the help of the Almighty!

This situation is not me, but how I react to and deal with it will define part of who I am.
I cannot let the devil have any part in my reaction to the situation 
or how I handle the situation.
The devil will not win.
God will!!
God has!!

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!"

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