Hey y'all! I'm taking a little break from all of my homework and lesson plan writing to write a quick post. I have a bunch of idea running thru my head, but I decided to go with something simple. So here is a quick little tour of my apartment for this school year.

At the end of August I moved into my new apartment for this school year. I am in a different apartment complex on another side of campus than I was last year. The complex is called University Place. There are five buildings that each have twelve four person apartments in them. I am in the first building on the second floor. Combining the furniture and decorations of four people can be challenging, but I think we managed to pull it off fairly well.

When you first walk in our door and look left you see this table and chairs with a cute little giraffe(?) printed lamp and candle warmer, as well as my book shelf, all 400+ of my books, a lamp and a couple little decorations.

Once you close the door and look to the right there is this adorable key and purse holder that one of my roommates brought.

If you walk in a little bit and look back at the door this is the view you get. You can see our coat rack, as well as the table again and the little picture that is hanging up.

And the table and bookshelf again...

Come in and look into the living room and you see the t.v., DVD stand, the game and art shelf, the large mirror that a different roommate painted, IMAGINE painting (painted by the same roommate who did the mirror), and our fancy little chair.

Walk into the living room and you see the love seat, couch, coffee table, and the entrance to our deck.

 

And here is the love seat over on the left of the photo above. You can also see the little coffee table with the flowers on it.

Take a step out onto our balcony and you can see our chairs and table, as well as these cute purple rope lights that I got at Walmart.

If you go back through the living room you will see the kitchen. It's not huge but it is a decent size for a college apartment. Our cabinets were pretty cluttered and were driving me crazy, so I picked up the little blue 4-drawer shelf. It was on sale for $22 at Kmart and it had the cubes in it!! Score! I had looked at many other shelves but they were more than $20 and the cubes were sold separately and individually for roughly $6 a piece. I'm not about that life.

So that is a quick view through the main rooms of the apartment. Sorry about the overload of pictures. Also, I apologize for the quality of some of them. I took them in a hurry after I cleaned today before my roommates got back and I risked the cleanliness being disturbed! Lol just kidding! :)

I will post pictures of our office and bedroom as soon as things are sort of clean and presentable later this week. I have some awesome posts planned and I look forward to sharing them with you!

Have a great night!

God Bless!

Alone.

Hey everyone! I know it's been a couple weeks since I have posted anything of significance. On one hand I feel bad about that and I have been wanting to so desperately, but on the other hand I don't think I have been in the greatest place to post anything. The last few weeks have been straight up crazy and stressful! I moved into my apartment on August 23rd (pictures coming soon!) and basically was put straight into school mode. I was running around working on taking care of finances, class schedule, and what seems like a billion other things.

Classes officially started on Aug. 27th. Within the first week I felt way behind because of the amount of reading and such that is required in some of my classes. Between all of my classes I have three different journals to do. One is a daily devotional journal, one is a reading journal for all assigned texts and articles, and the other is a Theological reflection notebook. Throw in at least one page of reflection for the devo journal and the theo reflection journal after reading through everything, plus going through and reading texts/articles and doing a clearly defined reading notes journal and you have one stressed lady. I have just had a really hard time keeping up. Although I know that part of what was the problem last week was the fact that I was sick all week. I literally slept away the first half of the week and then worked my butt off to catch up with what I could before the end of the week. Nothing like having some crazy cold, respiratory and bronchitis nonsense to start off the semester. But hey, it's out of the way now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, to get to what I really want to spend some time talking about. Despite the constant presence of people the last few weeks, in the form of roommates, friends, church family and classmates, I have had an all too familiar and not generally enjoyed feeling. I have felt pretty alone. I am not saying that I have been lonely since that is practically impossible in my current situation. It is almost an irony to say that I feel the least alone when I am sitting in a quiet, dark room by myself. I find myself in crowds and groups and I feel like the outsider, the one looking in and watching. There is a sense of disconnect and I am not sure why or how to fix it.

(...I couldn't find a source for this that the campus internet would let me open)

Personally this is not the first time in my life that I have felt this way and I doubt that it will be the last. I know that there is a very good chance that some of my issue with this is based on my personality, as well as some past issues. Yet it still does not change the fact that it is not a fun feeling. It can be hard going through your days feeling like you don't belong and like no one would notice if you were not there. That consuming feeling of being alone in the midst of so many people. It has been wrapped around me this week and I just cannot shake it. Going to chapel has not done it, Bible study has not done it, quiet time and devotionals have not done it. Praying and solitude have not done it.

It has been invading my mind and I am hoping that I can break through this before it becomes something bigger than it is or needs to be. I do not want to be sitting here in a week or two still feeling this. I want to enjoy life and being with friends without forcing a smile, a pleasant attitude and a bunch of small talk. I do not want to feel like I have been sitting in a dark room by myself with no company and no sunlight. Yet I cannot seem to bring myself to the point where I feel like I am completely enjoying being around people. This is a hard thing to process and get past when life revolves around being social. My safety zone has been whenever I manage to get time alone in the apartment and I can shut the blinds/curtains, turn off all the lights, shut off anything making noise and just embrace the silence, the darkness. Part of what is bugging me lately is that I rarely get a moment of quiet, of peace.

I need to recoup, to refocus, but I have been lacking the ability to do so these last few weeks. This ended with me basically word vomiting via Facebook messenger to a great friend who listened to me while he was on his way to Kentucky with his PR band. I also ended up hastily leaving the apartment on Sunday afternoon to sit in the lower level of Ludwig Center in an attempt to have some quiet. There were no more than 4-5 other people in the whole lower level at any given moment. It was like a brief moment of heaven. This week i've really come to think through the fact that while I don't mind being alone, I do mind being lonely. Everything makes sense in that context, or at least most of it. Sometimes it is hard being the only single lady in your apartment. Everyone talks about their significant other and I get to play the 'third wheel' a lot of times. Such is life.

I just really am feeling like I am stuck in a rut and I cannot get past it. This feeling is just gripping me and while I am used to it I know that I often let myself get to used to it, to familiar with it. I get comfortable with the feeling. I know that God is here and that He has things under control but it does not seem to be of any help at the moment. I could really use prayer this week concerning this. That God will just make His presence felt and that this feeling will stop consuming my thoughts and emotions.

I'm sorry for kind of using this as an emotions vent at the moment, but I just needed to write it out.

I hope y'all have a great week!!

God Bless!

What Do You Want?

Tonight I went to Party with Jesus for the first time since i've been here at ONU.

Party with Jesus is basically a student led worship night. Music, Scripture, and a short message.

I had never went before tonight, but one of my roommates asked me to go and another roommate was playing in the worship team. So I grabbed my key and a jacket and went.

I am so glad that I chose to go to Party with Jesus tonight. Jordan's message hit me right in the gut. I needed to hear it. And the music was absolutely wonderful!! (And not just because I had friends playing...the songs the picked were perfect!)

Jordan did his message on John 1:35-38.

His focus was on the question that Jesus asked the men that were following Him. He knew they were behind Him and He turned and asked them, "What do you want?" Jesus did not say this in an annoyed voice or our of frustration.

Jesus asked them this question genuinely. He was asking them what they wanted from Him, what they wanted from their relationship with Him.

What are you really following me for?
What do you want to get out of it?
Are you just in it for what I give?
Or are you in it for Me?

What do you want? What do you really want?

Those men that were following behind Him couldn't come up with anything beyond "Where are you staying?" as a response, which ironically does not answer Jesus' question.

Jesus responds by telling them, "Come, and I'll show you." This is in verse 39.

Like those men we do not have the exact answer to that question when we are faced with it, at least not generally, but especially when Jesus is asking it.

What do we really want from Him? From our relationship with Him? Do we really want Him or are we just in it for the benefits?

If we were asked this on the spot by Him, what would our response be?

Likely something similar to that of those two men. We would avoid the question because we don't know the answer.

But here is the thing... Jesus does not turn us away or send us off if we do not have an answer on the spot.

He gives us time to figure it out. We may not know for a while or really ever figure it out completely, but He gives us time to seek Him and find the answer.

We may find it difficult to figure out an answer to that question. What do you want?

We can ask God to show us what we really want. We can ask for that to be shown to us.

I personally do not have an answer in this moment to that question. I do not know what I want. I truly do not know. I am asking that God show me what I want, what I truly want in my heart.

Maybe what I want is what I have though I have wanted the past couple years. Or maybe it is something completely different, something that requires sacrifice to truly follow and pursue.

I do not know what it is, but I know that God knows and that He can show me.

Until then I will continue to seek Him, to grow closer to Him.

What do you want? Are you in it for the things that He gives or are you in it for Him? Would you have an answer immediately or would you need time to think about it, to pray about it?

Take A Tour!!

Hey everyone!!

Things have been crazy around here with getting in the swing of new classes, new schedules, new jobs, and new living arrangements to get use to.

We finally got things put together this past week in the living room and kitchen. 

It's a bit of a rainbow in the living room but it works.

(No turning down free furniture when you started with none.)

It's nothing huge or fancy, but it works well for us.

The kitchen is small, but it is such a blessing to have a kitchen to cook and bake in!

If you follow that hallway with the closets down you will come across the two bedrooms and the bathroom at the end.

It is not a huge apartment, but it is decent size for the four of us.

We are so thankful to be able to have an apartment this year while we are at school.

It is mismatched and everything, but we love it anyways!!

The pictures aren't great and it is a tad bit of a mess but this is my home for the year!

I will hopefully be able to put some pictures up of the bedrooms soon, as well as the bathroom.

Looking forward to sharing some other news with you all in a couple of days!

I hope everyone's week has been going well!

Prayers for a good day tomorrow too!!

Throwback Thursday

It's that time of the week again!!

I know I didn't post a throwback last week because I was busy and it got put off.

However, I am back with one this week.

This throwback is not from many years ago, but rather from just about 2 years ago.

It comes from my freshman year of college.

We are quite an attractive group at 3am aren't we? Lol!

This group of awesome ladies pictured above is roughly half of my freshman dorm floor.

There are about 15 or so of us (most of which are pictured) that still hang out on a regular basis.

These ladies are some of the most awesome friends I could have asked for during my first year of college.

They have been an amazing support system on the good days, as well as the bad.

Collectively as a group we have been through all kinds of things.

In individual groups of 2-4 we have gone through numerous trials of all kinds.

I have had the opportunity to room with two of the lovely ladies in the above picture.

And this coming year I will have the opportunity to room with a couple of other girls from my floor, although they are not pictured above.

God knew exactly what He was doing when He put us all together on one floor that first year.

He has given us awesome friends! Sisters for life!

I got the blessing of not only rooming with 50 awesome ladies my freshman year, but getting to room with 10 of those awesome ladies my sophmore year.

There are 8 of us that will be living in the same apartment complex next year.

There will be many others visiting on a regular basis though, so that number is just those actually listed as living there.

I am so blessed to have connections with all of these amazing sisters in Christ.

While we have all grown and done our own thing, we have supported each other and come alongside each other throughout it all.

I have lived life with so many of them and shared some intense heart to hearts with a handful.

These ladies are some of the most amazing people I have met at college!

Sometimes I wish I could go back and relive some of the crazy, silly moments just because.

Yet at the same time I look forward to all of the wonderful memories we will make in the future!

God brought us all together for a reason and while I do not know in whole what that is, I have seen Him in so many of my interactions with these ladies.

Many of them have had a huge impact on my walk with God, most in very positive ways!

I could not have asked for a better group of Christ following sisters to share my college years & many beyond with.

They are a blessing to me on a daily basis and I thank God for them daily!!

Can You Turn My Black Roses Red?

Love.

It's a four letter word.

A simple four letter word.

But it has a complex meaning.

What is love?

What makes me afraid of it?

Why does it scare me so much?

I have been asking myself these questions a lot in recent months, especially the past few days.

We had a couple come for chapel this past week and they talked about relationships.

(It was the Smalleys who spoke in chapel.)

On Wednesday I did not really pay attention because they were just telling the story of how they met.

However, for Thursdays chapel they split us up by guys and girls.

The husband talked to the guys at one location, while the wife talked to us girls in the chapel.

I ended up really paying attention on Thursday because it resonated with me.

She talked some more about how her and her husband met and I kind of tuned that part out.

I did start paying attention when she started talking about how we should look at relationships.

She mentioned that we need to pay attention to the guys in our lives who match up with the things we are looking for.

Sometimes we friend-zone the guys who match up with our 'list' of things we want in a guy.

Maybe we want someone who is caring, compassionate, and respectful.

Maybe we want someone who is outgoing, spontaneous, and humorous.

(All assuming he is a Christian.)

Maybe we want any number of things.

And maybe there is a guy in our lives who matches up with that list in a way that is almost perfect.

But we have been ignoring him because we think of him as just a friend or brother in Christ.

Sometimes we need to step back and take a good look at the guys in our lives.

These friends/brothers in Christ that we have friend-zoned may like us like crazy, but have not said anything.

Whether it is because we are dating someone at the time, think they are not good enough, or whatever reason, they do not say anything to us.

Yet if we step back and look at them we may just realize that God has put the perfect guy for us in our lives already.

God knows who the right guy is but sometimes we have a knack of just being friends or ignoring them completely.

Why on earth do we, as females, do this so often?

What she was saying hit me and just resonated with me because of some relationship things I am trying to figure out.

It really got me thinking and making some decisions.

But then some other things hit me as well.

These things are personal things and they do not really relate to her topic from chapel.

However, they are still extremely relevant for me.

I actually just talked with my RA a little while earlier this afternoon (like an hour ago or so) about it.

(*NOTE: This is all about a specific guy and some of you reading this know who it is.)

She asked me if there was a reason I had not said anything to him about what is going on with us.

Why had I not made some sort of initiation of contact?

I answered with the truth about how I am old fashioned and think that the guy should initiate as I see it as a part of him being the leader in the relationship.

We talked a little more on that and then she went a little deeper.

She said that she thinks that I am holding back.

She said that although I have this great guy in my life and we like each other, I am holding back on a personal level.

She then proceeded to ask me if there was something that was causing me to be holding back.

I really just had to stop and just say that I find it extremely hard to trust guys.

She asked why and I told her.

I told her that it is hard when you watch marriage relationships falling apart left and right, engagements broke off and serious dating relationships with years behind them fall to shambles.

I told her that it is hard when all of your bestfriends (all of whom were guys because I can relate to them easier) left after a short while, whether for a legit reason or they just fell off the face of the planet.

I also told her that it is hard when the one guy who is supposed to be there for you, encourage you, and most of all, love you, decides that he could not care less and does not take part in your life.

I told her that it is hard when almost every guy that has ever been in my life has left after a short while of knowing each other and getting close.

When guy after guy after guy just leaves you and did not even care enough to explain why, it is extremely hard to trust.

My RA then made the observation that I do not let myself step out personally and trust guys because they always end up leaving and they always end up hurting me.

I could not deny that she hit the nail on the head.

We talked some more about all of it and it got me thinking.

 The only reason I have not said anything to him is because I am scared to let him in.

Because although I have shared a lot with him, there is still a lot he does not know.

Because I am afraid that by opening myself up to the possibility of letting him love me I will be deeply hurt if it does not work out with him.

Because by letting him in in such a deep way means he will find out about these fears.

Ultimately I am afraid to open myself up to let him love me because I do not want to get hurt again.

It all comes down to the fact that I am deeply, deeply afraid of letting someone love me.

I am deeply afraid of opening myself up and trusting someone.

He is such a great guy and I feel like God put him in my life for a reason.

As crazy as it seems, from everything I know, he meets the 'list'.

I look forward to being able to see him and spend time with him.

He is the first person I want to share things with, whether good or bad.

He is the one that I feel I can be myself around the most.

He is the quiet but steady strength and encouragement that I need.

He is a man of God and a spiritual leader.

(^^^Such a huge thing!!!!)

He enjoys kids and he is good with them.

 He understands all of the medical stuff I deal with daily.

He understands the legal issues as well.

I could go on but I do not think that I need to.

Just sitting here typing this I am realizing something I had not yet realized.

I am suddenly feeling peace and reassurance about what to do.

It is still going to be a day to day struggle with all of this and the distance.

Yet I believe that if this is what God has planned then it will work out the right way at the right time.

It is all in His hands.

What If It's A Father I Need

A lot of you may now what this week was, but many may not.

This week was Suicide Awareness Week.

TWLOHA, or better known as To Write Love On Her Arms, has been spreading work of Suicide Awareness all week and they do so all throughout the year as well.

TWLOHA's goal is to have people write the word 'love' on their wrists in whatever language(s) they want.

This spreads the word because often people will ask why it is written on your wrist.

You then are given the chance to talk with someone about TWLOHA and suicide awareness.

This is something I take part in whenever possible.

I have a direct reason to based on friends and family who have committed suicide and then my own past.

This will probably be shocking to many of you, maybe not so much some or at least a few of you who may read this, but I myself came close to calling it quits.

Freshmen year of high school I was so stressed and overworked and I didn't know how to handle things or if people even cared at all, so I didn't think anyone would miss me if I ended it all.

Thankfully I had an awesome best friend at the time who helped me out.

He reminded me that even if no once else would have cared that I was gone, he would.

Just knowing that made the thought of ending it all seem pointless.

Had it not been for him who knows where I would be, let alone if I would even be here.

So a HUGE thank you goes out to Stephen and everything he helped me through that year!!

Now for more news.
We had chapel this morning here at my university.
Our chaplain had a student share her testimony as part of the service.
Sadly I could relate to quite a few parts of her story and it actually got me thinking about my past.
She mentioned that she has learned how to trust God as her Father even though her earthly fathers failed her.
It got me thinking and I realized that I still have not accepted that God really, truly is the only Father I need.
And He is my Heavenly Father.
My earthly father may have failed me many of times, but He will not.
It is hard to accept that fact and believe it when I do not know what it's like to have a father I can trust.
A father that I can believe in and trust my life with.
I'm trying to come to terms with this, but it isn't as easy as everyone likes to make it seem.
It is hard to let go of the past and the pain & hurt that comes with it.
He wants me to fully let go of that hurt, that pain, and that anger so that I can fully trust Him.
I just don't know how to go about doing so.
I don't feel like I can just let go of something like that.
It's a part of my past that has made me who I am today and He wants me to let go of it.
I know that if I let go of it then I can truly find my identity in Him and the healing that only He can bring.
I just wish I knew how best to go about it.
I've tried to let it go before but every time I try something comes along and brings it up again.
It seems like it is this chip in my shoulder that I can't get rid of even though I want to.
God wants me to give it all to him and to call Him my Father.
I just need to teach myself how best to go about doing that.
I am trying, however, and will continue to do so until I figure it out.

Just Needed To Share Something

Ok, so I just wanted to share something and thought this was the perfect place.

This week we are doing Block Parties at parks throughout the community.

We have been joined this week by a missions team from Arkansas (about 30 people).

Patrick had quite a day yesterday organizing everything with the team throughout the day as well as getting things ready for the Block Party last night.

So after he came and got me we headed back to the park.

We get there and the mission team is out there just having a blast with everything.

They had different booths set up with various things.

They had a tent set up where Faith was doing balloon animals (and other things) and Naomi and some of the other girls were doing face painting.

Jerry was all about doing the cotton candy. Well at least he was when he wasn't going around to other booths and talking with us and the kids that were there.

Justin had a game set up and so did Jessica.

There were hot dogs, popcorn, and sno cones.

There was music going. (And some dancing every now and then as well.)

It was a great time getting to talk with some of the people from the neighborhood and even getting a chance to get better acquainted with the mission team from Arkansas.

Being me, I was watching the different people come and go and kinda watching how long they were lingering around and talking to people.

There was one couple that was there who i'd been watching, and apparently so had some of the Arkansas mission team.

This couple had gotten there when it started and they were definitely lingering.

I grabbed a card with some of our info and a little map of our location and then headed on over to talk to them some more.

I sat down and got to talking with them again.

Made some connections with them through Olivet, as well as through where we were from.

We then got to talking about some random things and then he asked me how I got connected with Journey Church.

So I told him how I started coming and how I really started getting involved.

I talked a little about the summer mission team.

And then he surprised me by sharing some of his church history.

As he shared that and I talked to him a little more about Journey, it was clear that he was interested in Journey and thinking about coming to church.

They both seemed very interested in the church and said they'd really like to check it out.

Talk about the whole crazy day being worth it.

And like Patrick made a point of, those two people may never have even considered going to church, specifically speaking ours, if we hadn't sat down and talked with them for two hours.

That process of building a relationship with them and building trust with them is what opens the doors to get them interested in the church and interested in learning more about God.

It was such a great opportunity to get to know them!

Seeing them warm up to us and to the possibility of coming to church as we were sitting there talking was incredible.

I'm praying that God will be working in their hearts this week through the seed that we planted last night.

And even if we don't see them at church, at least we know that we made an impact in there lives.

And that is why we are doing this.

That is what we are all about.

The devil may have tried to tear everyone down all day, but in the end God prevailed.

God was moving and He will continue to move this week!

 

Tuberculosis

For those of you who are friends with me on Facebook you may have seen my status about how today was not such a good day for me.

I wish I knew how to share everything that is bothering me without it sounding like complaining.

However, I do not know how to go about doing so.

So here goes a quick overview of what has made this day not so great.

First off, I could hardly sleep last night.

I got all of about 2 or 3 hours tops all night long.

I had a lot on my mind and just could not manage to get myself to sleep.

It was a long night and an extremely early morning.

My insomnia definitely kicked in, as well as an overactive mind.

If I could just shut my mind off for a few hours every night I might actually get some sleep.

Then there was the fact that all of the divorce stuff is still managing to mess up my life.

My 'father' did not file taxes the way he was supposed to so now my school bill is sitting unpaid because he has all the tax money and will not give my mom her share.

I am not sure exactly what the whole situation is since i'm not there and no one tells me anything anymore, but I do know that it is causing a lot of tension between my mom & I about financial things concerning my schooling.

Staying here at ONU is dependent on the bill being paid.

However, since my 'father' refuses to do what he said he would, I now am  on the edge of possibly not being able to stay for the fall and just the thought is driving me crazy.

I just hate that I am still stuck under the umbrella of this divorce.

My life is still being controlled by it and by the choices that my parents and the judges make.

Everything is hanging by a string and I cannot do anything about it.

Then there is the fact that I was talking to my mom about traveling plans for vacation/family reunion this next weekend and she informed me now that I will not be riding back with her.

Rather she is having me ride back with her boyfriend.

A man I hardly know in the least, and his kids.

I do not know at all how to feel about it, but I do know that my anxiety has definitely been high since I had this conversation with my mom...and that is not a good thing.

Last, although not least, is the fact that I was informed when I arrived at work this morning that I may have possibly caught a sickness from a coworker that could be extremely bad for me.

One of my coworkers has been diagnosed with Tuberculosis.

This is a serious sickness that is centered in the lungs.

It has even been known to kill people in it's worst forms.

That part may not seem like a huge deal to you because you are probably thinking that I am young and my immune system is good and can withstand it.

I have to contradict that.

Yes, I am young.

No, my immune system is not good. Not in the least.

My immune system is very weak.

I pretty much catch everything that I am around and it is 10x worse for me than the person who I caught it from.

This has been so ever since I had H1N1 (Swine Flu) in fall of 2009.

I had it 3 different times for 3 weeks each time.

I was completely bed ridden (actually recliner...) because I was in so much pain I couldn't physically move myself.

That was the worst 2 months that I had experienced with a sickness since 5th grade.

And ever since my immune system has been absolutely terrible.

The other thing that makes it easier to catch Tuberculosis is having asthma.

Which I have.

So I have an extremely weak immune system and asthma.

I am a prime candidate.

I am extremely worried that I may have caught it and that I will now have to once again have to fight through a sickness that could kill me.

I cannot afford to have caught this sickness.

I just can't.

You know, this is starting to really get tiring.

This nonstop cycle.

Things start going really well and then all of a sudden...

BAM!!!

...the devil has decided once again to throw a gigantic wrench into it all.

It seems like he thinks that my life is the perfect playground.

Just when I start to be happy and to think that things are turning around I get slapped in the face.

I know God has huge plans for me, otherwise the devil would not be working so hard to knock me down onto my face every time I turn around, but it is hard to deal with all of this.

I'm tired of constantly being pushed down onto my face.

Being pushed to the ground just as I am starting to get my footing again.

I wish I knew what God's plan was.

Not so that I would know what to do every step of the way, but rather so that I could be encouraged and feel like going through all of this is going to be worth it in the end.

 I just picked myself up of the ground.

And now I feel like i'm falling again.

The cycle continues...

"What The Junk??"

Hey y'all!!

I can't believe it has been almost a month since I have posted. 

I've been a little busy with work and church stuff.

Hmm, so I guess i'll do a quick recap of what I have been up to as of late.

Work is pretty much the same. Long days of cleaning.

I have climbed into far too many lockers, stoves, refrigerators, and other tight spaces for my liking.

(I'm not quite small enough for some of this...contrary to what many may say.)

I have to say that if it weren't for the people I work with I would absolutely positively hate my job.

Last Monday my mom (and her boyfriend) stopped into town and brought my futon and a tv for me. It is great to finally have furniture. (Not being able to get the remote to work the cable and having to settle for watching David Letterman's show for Gay Pride Week...not so much :/ )

After they left I made sure my bike was locked up and went inside to chill.

I came out the next morning (Tuesday) and my bike was gone.

Chain cut and thrown under the bush.

Not what I wanted to find at 6:30am when I had to be to work in 10mins.

However, yesterday (a week after it happened), Public Safety called and said they had my bike.

The police had found some guy riding it around town.

He picked it up off someone else for $15 for crying out loud.

It's good to have it back though.

Other than that things were not all that eventful until about last Thursday.

 But before getting into that I am going to share a little about the missions team at my church this summer.

North American Mission Board (NAMB) sends out Summer Mission Teams to churches throughout the country every summer. This summer my church, Journey Church, got sent one of these teams. There are 7 summer missionaries here, all college age. 

Two of them go to my school here in Illinois and the rest are from various other colleges and universities.

The 7 summer missionaries that we have here this summer are Andy, Malik, McKenzie, Kenan, Joel, Patrick, and Haley.

Andy and Malik are the two that go to school with me.

Most of the missionaries are from some part of Illinois with the exception of three.

Malik is from Maryland, Patrick is from Mississippi, and Haley is from Tennessee. 

The 7 of them are here at Journey to help out for the summer with various things.

As of late they have been going out into the community and going door to door giving out flyers promoting Journey and sharing what we are all about.

Friendship Festival 2012 (Bourbonnais, IL) Left to right: Andy, McKenzie, Patrick, Malik, Haley, Kenan, and Joel

The above picture is a group picture of the mission team.

This was right before we started walking in the Friendship Festival Parade.

Five of the guys, all except Patrick, had been practicing a bucket drum routine that they performed that morning in church and then while we were walking in the Parade.

They did a great job that morning at church as well as during the Parade!!

While the guys were doing their routine (part of the time walking the other part while riding on the float), we had several members of our church walking and passing out beads to kids and cards with our information to adults.

It was a great afternoon and one to be remembered for sure!!

Friendship Festival 2012- Getting ready to walk! (Me, Justine, and Haley)

 Here is another picture from the Parade. It is a bad one of me but the other two look good!

Ok, so now that I have shared a little bit about the mission team I will share a little bit of the last several days.

For anyone who has read my previous posts (which is probably no one...) then y'all know how bored I have been this summer. 

That has changed in large part because of the group pictured above, as well as other members of Journey Church.

This past week was the Friendship Festival (Wed. June 20th-Sun. June 24th).

I went a few times with this group.

Thursday night I went to the Festival with Andy and Malik.

A lady from church works at Great Clips and she had a booth so we stopped and talked to her for a while. Basically we just chilled there until the guys had band practice for Sunday morning.

We then went to band practice and I got to spend time with the most adorable little girl.

Her name is Cali and she is the daughter of our worship leader Nate and his wife Jill.

She is absolutely adorable and thanks to the guys makes a wide variety of animal noises by request. :)

We then went and spent the evening at Chad and Rachel's.

The next evening (Friday) we had a College Student...get together (??)...

We all met up at the church office and then went to the Festival.

Friendship Festival 2012- Back Row: Joel, Andy, Kenan, Emily (?), TJ, and me. Front Row: Derek, Haley, Malik, and McKenzie.

It was a great night!!

We had a couple of additions to the group before we left the Festival and headed to Steak N' Shake.

Steak N' Shake- Left: Haley, Jessica, Kenan, Andy, Justine, and me. Right: Erin (?), TJ, Joel, Malik, and McKenzie.

As you can see we are a decent sized group of college students (except for Emily...?).

(We have some lovely faces going on in this picture...lol)

Then Saturday I worked overtime. We had to turn over dorms for a camp that was coming for a day or two.

After work I went to the softball game. (Journey has a team and we play against other teams from the area. It is a fun outreach ministry and a great way to get to know each other!)

There was another missions group that came from another church to help out.

(I forgot where they came from.)

So we met them at the offices and helped finish bagging up the flyers for the guys to give out while going door to door.

Then dinner at Aurelio's.

Then the guys had to practice their bucket drumline routine and since I had nothing else to do I went with them and was their audience for the evening.

Sunday was a crazy busy day for all of us!

I had to be at church an hour earlier than usual in order to do nursery.

The guys had all been there for a while before I go there and were practicing their routine again.

After church we all went to Burger King to grab lunch and then headed out to BBCHS to get ready for the Parade!

We walked in the Parade for about an hour or so.

It was such a great way for us to reach out and be a part of the community!!!

(We also found out later on that we won the Director's Choice Award for out float and the church got a plaque and everything!!!)

After a crazy time of destroying the float and taking all the staples out of the trailer (which was graciously loaned to us for the afternoon from Jessica!!), we all headed back to Chad and Rachel's.

Little did we all know there was someone moving in next door.

We offered to help them finish moving their things in and they accepted.

So for the next hour or so the guys and I helped them unload their large moving truck.

We all pushed ourselves and I definitely went above and beyond my usual.

As we were helping them we got to talking to them and sharing about Journey and the missions team and everything.

When we got done we got a chance to introduce Mark and his family to Chad (Journey's pastor) and Rachel. We got a chance to share more about Journey and invite them to church.

It was such a great witnessing opportunity!! 

Who knew?!

We were all crazy tired and crashed in Chad and Rachel's living room for the rest of the evening.

Chad grilled up some hot dogs and sausage for dinner.

We all ended up watching The Ringer that evening.

(Joel can do a crazy good impression of one of the characters!!)

Overall the last several days have been crazy busy but I loved it!!

I also have to say that I think that God definitely used this past week to show me some things.

After all of it I feel like I am most definitely right at the place where God wants me to be for the summer, even if it is different to be here instead of at home.

God is doing big things in my life through Journey and through the mission team.

I could not have asked for a better summer.

God is showing me that sometimes the simplest of gestures can be the strongest witnessing opportunities that we can get.

Case in point when talking about helping Mark and his family move in.

How could we know that we would have that opportunity Sunday afternoon??

Yeah, we may have all been pushed beyond our limits both physically and in terms of our comfort zone, but look at how God used it!!!

His plan is far greater than ours and who knows what would have happened if we hadn't stepped out and offered to help them move all of their things into their house!

And I have to say personally that God has provided me an incredible group of friends for the summer, and hopefully longer, even when I didn't think I would meet anyone this summer.

I was not planning on all of this, but He is providing in more ways than I could have ever imagined!

These guys have been going out of their way to be chivalrous and to show that there are still guys out there who take it seriously and act on it.

I am not used to it at all and therefore it is weird for me, but at the same time it is incredible to be exposed to guys who want to go that extra step and open the car door, let me sit in the front seat, serve my food for me, or carry something for me (even when i'm obstinate about it...lol).

I was not expecting God to provide that kind of an example for me this summer, but I appreciate it.

(However, these guys are gonna have me all kinds of spoiled by the end of the summer!!)

(And if you guys read this...Thank you for being an example of what true gentlemen should act like! It is greatly appreciated even if I nag you about it!! I have never seen guys treat girls/women with the respect that you all do. You're all pretty amazing guys and i'm lucky to know you all!!)

Well, there ya have it!

A quick (sorta....) recap of my life as of late!

There is much more I could share but I will leave it at that.

God keeps surprising me daily and I am excited to see what is going to happen in the coming weeks and months of the summer!!! :)


***All pictures in this post are courtesy of the lovely Haley Richards, member of the NAMB Summer Mission Team***

God will give me the strength I need!!

It's been a while since I have been able to post...(actually only like a week and a half...ish...)

There is so much going on my life at the moment and I feel like the devil is trying his hardest to push me over the edge, to push me to my limits. I feel like he is trying to tear me apart, especially on the inside. 

Everything with my parents divorce is coming at me fast. Financial issues, psychological issues and what I would call manipulation, emotional stress, and just stress in general.

I feel like the devil is using this situation to his advantage.

I constantly feel like this situation is defeating me. It is seemingly overwhelming and having a disastrous effect on my life. It is affecting everything from family relationships to my life 

here in Illinois with college and everything that goes with that.

I feel stuck and like I cannot do this college thing. 

Why??

Because of financial issues that have been brought up by this divorce. 

My mom cannot afford to pay for the bill and I do not have the money to do so either. 

Tax money was supposed to pay for the rest of my bill from this past year, but due to my 'father' not splitting the money with my mom like he is supposed to, my mom cannot pay the bill. 

This is leaving me to pay the bill with the money that I am working for this summer by working full time at my college all summer in the custodial department. 

I would not say that this is the ideal situation. For me or my mom.

The worst part of the whole thing is that I feel like the devil is using this to make me feel like I am failing and like I cannot get beyond this.

And I honestly would like nothing better than to get beyond this situation.

God provided the money for me to even be here to begin with, so I am not questioning whether or not I am supposed to be here. (Not yet anyways...)

Yet I have this feeling that the financial side of this whole college thing is not going to pan out for a second year and that scares me.

I do not want to leave Olivet. Not in the least.

Yet I feel like I am continuously at the edge of not being able to return this fall.

I know all of these negative feelings and thoughts are from the devil himself, as God would not put such thoughts in my head, but for some reason they seem like the truth. 

I need to let go and let God.

I cannot let the devil win over my thoughts and feelings.

I can do this with the help of the Almighty!

This situation is not me, but how I react to and deal with it will define part of who I am.

I cannot let the devil have any part in my reaction to the situation 

or how I handle the situation.

The devil will not win.

God will!!

God has!!

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Him who gives me strength!"

Blown Away

Well...life has been like a whirlwind the last month or so. 

It seems like there is always something new going on and it keeps me busy.

Here's a quick recap...

I finished up all of my classes and took my finals the last week of April/first week of May.

I decided to stay in Bourbonnais for the summer.

I'm working with the Physical Plant here at Olivet as a Custodian.

I got an interview to work the Bears Training Camp but had to decline since I accepted the other position first.

My roommate for Block 1 is 22yrs old and doesn't clean up after herself (not a highlight...).

I will be rooming by myself for Block 2 and for Block 3 I will be rooming with the lovely Sarah High.

Celebrate Life!

I found out I get to go to Hastings and then St. Louis for family reunion for a whole week in July. (40 family members and two houses...this is gonna be fun!!)

I also found out i'm working for Cody Overocker's mom. (Surprise!!)

So that is a quick recap of the major parts of the last month.

I finished my second week of work on Friday by working overtime that night for 4 1/2 hours. I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of working that night, but it's time and a half so i'm not complaining

about the money I will be getting because of it!!

Oh, I also am officially down to a size 7 pant. Who said you only gain weight your freshman year of college?? The "Freshman 15" is not as prominent as you may think. It did make my day that I lost weight this year  and some of my friends did as well. However, there were a lot that gained weight, some more than the dreaded 15. 

I also must admit that Illinois weather during the summer is weird. It's going to take some getting used to. I miss the summer storms that we got back home on a regular basis.

I'm going to take a minute here to share a little about the current roommate situation.

I ended up agreeing to room with Sarah for the summer, however, unbeknownst to me there was someone who had been living in this apartment for the school year and opted to stay here for the short time she was staying for the summer. I didn't find this out until two days before I was set to move some of my things in. She told the RD that the apartment was move in ready. Little needs 

to be said other than it wasn't. I have found out over the last two weeks that she doesn't pick up after herself, yet she continuously reminds me about how mature she is for someone who is 22.

I have to disagree. Strongly.

I work custodial 8hrs every day and then I come back and the apartment is a complete mess. Why? Because this girl gets things out or makes food and then doesn't put things away or clean up the cooking mess. It is a half hour to an hour cleaning process just to clean the kitchen to the point of being able to make anything for myself to eat for a meal. It's ridiculous.

I have decided that this is a great chance for me to strengthen my ability to be patient in all situations. My friend Chris gave me a passage of scripture to encourage me about the fact that this is short term and that God has things under control. There is a good chance that a lesson will come out of all of this. I may not be sure what it is, but He knows and that is all that matters.

Well, now that I have spilled my thoughts real quick i'm going to work on some other things for a little while this afternoon. 

OH!! Also, I cannot wait for church next week!! We're having church at Perry Farms and then having a cookout afterwards! I'm just a little excited for this chance to get to know more 

of the people that I am currently going to church with!! It's a great opportunity

and I cannot wait to fully take advantage of it!!

GOD IS GOOD!!! 

Ya Just Gotta Have A Little Faith

So I have been looking at the possibility of staying in Illinois for the summer and working.

I have applied for three jobs, a summer RA position, a job painting, and a job working security for the Bears Training Camp. I also applied for summer housing. I had to turn in the summer housing application and the summer RA application at the same time, but I turned them in more than a week early. So I am not sure what to expect with that, but I am hoping that I can get the RA position.

I did get a call about the painting job this afternoon while I was in my Finite Mathematics class. I have to call the lady back tomorrow and do an interview of sorts. I am excited but nervous all at the same time. I really hope that I can get this job so that I can stay here for the summer.

It just proves that trusting God to provide can work for your advantage. If it fits into His plan and His will for your life then there is a good chance that it will happen. I hope that this fits into His will for my life and that I will be able to walk in His light through whatever He brings me to this summer, whether that be a job here in Illinois or going home and working and sponsoring district events.

I believe that it will all work out for His good and to His glory.

My life is His.