So this weekend ended up being a bit more hectic than I had originally planned, but it was a good one. After a long week I am just amazed I managed to make it to today without too much exhaustion. I do have a fairly busy week once again, but I don't have a bunch of extra meetings in the evening. Yay! 

My weekend started right after my last class got out at 3pm on Friday. I dropped my backpack off at my apartment, jumped in the bus and drove over to Bethel Baptist Church to help finish setup for the Collegiate Retreat we helped to host this weekend. We grabbed pipe and drape out of one of our trailers, light towers from our storage unit, and picked up instruments from our office. Setup was simple but it is a lot of things to transport.

The retreat was run by the Illinois Baptist State Association. It was the ENGAGE Collegiate Retreat. The whole concept of the retreat is to teach college students how to engage the students on their campuses with the message of the Gospel. This is done by helping them to really grasp the basics of what the Gospel is (just as a reminder) and then to share how they can start the conversations and really engage people in the message of the Gospel. 

 

Chris & Ashley prepping for worship for out last session at retreat

 

My church, Journey Church, provided the music and the Church Plant Project for the weekend. We had a bunch of different people help with worship because our college students had to bounce back and forth to campus for events they couldn't get out of. The project we did was going to door to door in the area near to the church with cards inviting people to come check out Journey and the new series we started yesterday morning, which just so happens to be entitled Engage.

While the attendance was not super high due to events that students could not get away from, it was still a great weekend and I hope that God really impacted the lives of all those who attended!

The rest of my weekend has been fairly uneventful. I've been working on homework and getting some work stuff done. Church yesterday morning was fun. The guy who ran the retreat, Chase Abner, and his assistant for the weekend, Caleb, came to Journey this morning for church. Chase actually spoke in service, which was awesome. It was a great kick-off to our new series!

If I haven't told you yet, I am co-leading the youth group with a friend from Olivet. So he and I gathered with three of our middle school and high school students yesterday evening. We shared some spaghetti from the wonderful Aurelio's Pizza here in Bourbonnais, IL. I wasn't prepped to lead the lesson because I didn't know I was leading, so I kinda just winged it. I think it went okay though. 

The big thing that happened yesterday was something that I have known about for a while now, but I didn't know for sure when it was happening. Now that it has been mentioned I can share a little bit more about it. Our worship leader, Nate, and his wife, Jill, and their kids are going to be moving to Southern Illinois in just a few weeks to a month. They shared it at the end of service yesterday, so now everyone knows. It kind of hit me yesterday morning, but I don't think that it will really hit me until a couple weeks down the road when it actually happens. I'm still processing it. I may just write a post in a week or two about it. We'll see...

Anyways, now back to college life. I'm off to General Biology in a little while. Yay for putting it off until senior year... Just kidding. It's not that bad. 

I hope y'all had a great weekend!

Have a great day!

God Bless!

Apartment Tour, Pt. 1

Hey y'all! I'm taking a little break from all of my homework and lesson plan writing to write a quick post. I have a bunch of idea running thru my head, but I decided to go with something simple. So here is a quick little tour of my apartment for this school year.

At the end of August I moved into my new apartment for this school year. I am in a different apartment complex on another side of campus than I was last year. The complex is called University Place. There are five buildings that each have twelve four person apartments in them. I am in the first building on the second floor. Combining the furniture and decorations of four people can be challenging, but I think we managed to pull it off fairly well.

When you first walk in our door and look left you see this table and chairs with a cute little giraffe(?) printed lamp and candle warmer, as well as my book shelf, all 400+ of my books, a lamp and a couple little decorations.

Once you close the door and look to the right there is this adorable key and purse holder that one of my roommates brought.

If you walk in a little bit and look back at the door this is the view you get. You can see our coat rack, as well as the table again and the little picture that is hanging up.

And the table and bookshelf again...

Come in and look into the living room and you see the t.v., DVD stand, the game and art shelf, the large mirror that a different roommate painted, IMAGINE painting (painted by the same roommate who did the mirror), and our fancy little chair.

Walk into the living room and you see the love seat, couch, coffee table, and the entrance to our deck.

 

And here is the love seat over on the left of the photo above. You can also see the little coffee table with the flowers on it.

Take a step out onto our balcony and you can see our chairs and table, as well as these cute purple rope lights that I got at Walmart.

If you go back through the living room you will see the kitchen. It's not huge but it is a decent size for a college apartment. Our cabinets were pretty cluttered and were driving me crazy, so I picked up the little blue 4-drawer shelf. It was on sale for $22 at Kmart and it had the cubes in it!! Score! I had looked at many other shelves but they were more than $20 and the cubes were sold separately and individually for roughly $6 a piece. I'm not about that life.

So that is a quick view through the main rooms of the apartment. Sorry about the overload of pictures. Also, I apologize for the quality of some of them. I took them in a hurry after I cleaned today before my roommates got back and I risked the cleanliness being disturbed! Lol just kidding! :)

I will post pictures of our office and bedroom as soon as things are sort of clean and presentable later this week. I have some awesome posts planned and I look forward to sharing them with you!

Have a great night!

God Bless!

College Care Package & Nana's Cakery

This afternoon my mom and the older of my younger sisters are on their way from New York to Illinois to visit me on their way to Kansas. Currently they are in Ohio and still about 5 1/2hrs away. My mom is making the trip to take my sister to college at MidAmerica Nazarene University in Olathe, Kansas. This is her first year away from home for school after being at home for a year taking classes from local schools in NY. My mom also just got her conversion van that allows her to get in the van in her wheelchair as well as drive without getting out of it. So it's kind of a big trip.

Since they are coming to stay with me and see me, I decided that I needed to do a little something. It's one of those moments when I find it necessary to do a tangible big sister thing. So I decided to make a care package for her to take to college. I spent some time searching Pinterest for some ideas of things to put in it, as well as some ideas for what to use as the box. After spending a little time searching I decided to just head to the store and see what was available for a reasonable price. I ended up at Dollar General when I found what I needed to start it and I went from there. I was going to post pictures and explain how I did it yesterday, but since it is a surprise and they weren't on the road yet I decided to wait to post it. So today i'm going to share what I put in the care package. 

To start it off I picked up this small storage container from Dollar General ($2). It's a pinkish purple and white chevron print with a small piece of cork board on the front.

 

It's nothing huge but it's fun and it's functional. Two things that can be a big deal for a girl decorating her dorm room. As I was gathering the items to put in the box I wanted to make sure I had some fun things as well as some practical things. I also threw in some food and candy. What care package is complete without some??

First I got this navy blue floral tumbler from Dollar General. It was on sale for $1.87. Again, it is fun and functional...and it was a bargain! I then picked up some To-Go drink packets from Dollar General and Dollar Tree. They were all $1 a box. I got Tropical Punch Kool-Aid, Diet Snapple Peach Tea, and Wyler's Light Pink Lemonade. I used these to fill the cup.

I then grabbed some functional items from Dollar General & Dollar Tree. From Dollar General I got the following: Magnetic Dry Erase Board ($1), 3-Pack Kleenex ($1), 3-Pack Over The Door Hooks ($1), Sticky Notes ($1), and Thumbtacks ($1). From Dollar Tree: Student Calendar ($1), Outlet Extender ($1), and Halls Cherry Cough Drops ($1). These are some functional items that are practical for school and organization of a college dorm room.

While the dry erase board is functional, it is also fun. It has a cute blue and white polka dot print. It is a great item to put on the dorm room door so that she can leave messages for her roommate and her hallmates can leaves notes when they drop by and she isn't there.

I also picked up some other fun things from Dollar General, Dollar Tree, and JoAnn Fabrics. From Dollar General I got the deck of playing cards ($1). From Dollar Tree: Avengers Coloring & Activity Book ($1), Avengers Crayons ($1), Mini Jenga Game ($1), Blank Note Cards ($1), and Monsters University Hand Wipes ($1). From JoAnn Fabrics I got the Owl & Bee Sandwich Bags ($1) and the Blue Bracelets ($.97). These are just some fun items, although some are practical as well.

To fill up and round out the basket I got some food and candy. I got the Honey Teddy Grahams ($1), Spearmint Trident ($1), Peppermint Trident ($.50), and the Mega Smarties ($.38) at Dollar General. I got the Jolly Rancher Crunch & Chew ($1), Reese's Miniatures ($1), 3-Pack Jif To Go ($1), and 3-Pack Monsters University Fruit Snacks ($1) at Dollar Tree. It's not a lot of things, but enough to have a decent snack stash for the first couple of weeks.

I got home and took some time to arrange the basket with everything. It took a bit of time to arrange things so they fit and did so in a way that things weren't moving around while it is riding in the back seat of the bus tonight.

 

I tried not to show all of the fun stuff in an attempt to make her think I just got her practical stuff. For me that was hard because as I am going into my fourth year of college I would find all of it to be fun. Haha i've clearly been in on campus housing for far too long!! :)  Anyways, I then bagged it up using a Basket Bag that I got from Dollar Tree. They sell them in 2-Packs for $1. 

I then tied it with some ribbon that we had the office. This was not my first choice of ribbon, but the first choice didn't tie well and fell apart when being knotted. So I found this purple and pink striped ribbon. I actually think that I like this better. It turned out pretty cute! There are a lot of other things that I thought of that could be put in their, such as highlighters, pens/pencils, bubbles, and so on. It can truly be tailored to the student or individual that you are sending it to.

Also, just for fun since they are coming through and it may be the last time I see them for a few months, I picked up some desserts for them. I picked out two cupcakes from a local bakery in town that makes wonderful desserts and pastries! I have heard that their breakfast and lunch menu is delicious as well! This bakery is located in Downtown Kankakee and it is called Nana's 2 Cakery & Cafe. After a couple minutes of deliberation, I picked out a Peanut Butter Cup Cupcake and a Vanilla Cheesecake Cupcake. 

It's so hard not to eat these gorgeous cupcakes! Sorry for the long post and all of the pictures! I hope that y'all are having a great weekend before the school year starts in its entirety. 

God Bless!

Mike || 6 Years & Couting

This evening I am dedicating my post to a very special person in my life. Someone who has been a big part of my life for several years now and one of the few constants in my life the last several years.

This person is my bestfriend Mike. Mike and I have known each other for six years this summers. I don't remember with great clarity the first time we met but he seems to have a decent memory of it and my awkwardness was definitely in fully play! Go figure! While that day is a little blurry for me, his overall presence in my life doesn't feel like it started on a specific day but rather like he has been there all along. That is definitely not the case but he has played such a key part in my life for so long that it seems that way. After the first time we met we just kind of hit it off and have been bestfriends ever since. 

Unlike most bestfriends we didn't live next door, down the street or across town from each other. We met at a district church event. I lived in Hastings and he lived in Omaha, thus putting us two and a half hours away from each other. At the time neither of us had phones nor a way to be on Facebook consistently or at the same time very often. The monthly district youth events were something we looked forward to. They were the one time (sometimes two) that we knew we would get to see each other, even if only overnight during a lock-in. Making a friendship last long distance, even if it was only two and a half hours, is not easy when you may have to go a month or more without communication. Yet we made it for three years with things like this. Sometimes we were lucky to catch each other on Facebook, but we relied on events. 

Despite the distance he quickly came to be the person that I could talk to about everything and a rock in some crazy storms. He's been there through personal issues, my mom's disorder, my parent's divorce, and much more. Looking back i'm not sure entirely how we managed to make it and become closer despite the distance and the lack of communication at times. Never would have guessed it could have lasted but I am so very, very glad it has. He is such a big blessing in my life. I thank God for him all the time. It isn't easy to put how much he means to me in words and I don't think I ever will be able to fully do so.

I have only come to realize how important he is in my life and how much of blessing in the last three years. The first three we were just a short two and a half hours apart. The last three years however have been across a bit larger distance. I left for school just south of Chicago back in August 2011. This meant that Mike and I were now eight hours apart. Talk about making things quite a bit harder than before. Luckily at this point we both had gotten phones and it became easier to talk online. The benefit of having technology while being far apart is huge, but it still doesn't replace seeing each other face to face. Sadly, it's been roughly a year and a half between every time we have seen each other. Quite the opposite of once a month. This distance has not been easy and many times is more of a struggle with technology, yet I am so thankful for it. We don't often get to have full conversations, but even a few words exchanged can make my day. 

So after six years of long distance friendship we sit here in two different states and realize just how blessed I am. There are times when we have to put in more effort to stay connected, but it is worth it. Sometimes it is hard to deal with the distance when I have to miss important days. Last weekend happened to be one of those important days. Last weekend Mike finished off his high school career. He walked across the stage and graduated. After four long years it was all done with. I am so very, very proud of him and his accomplishment! I couldn't be more happy for him and more proud of anyone. I just wish I had been there to celebrate his accomplishments with him that day. Saying congratulations via Facebook and phone just doesn't cut it. But we take what we can get. 

Mike after graduation (picture courtesy of his dad)

Mike, after six years of friendship, I just want to say how very proud of you I am! You have overcome so much and the way you have handled it all is inspiring. When someone or something tried to knock you down you got right back up and showed them you were stronger. You are such a huge blessing to me, as well as others! I am so proud of you and so very happy for you as you are making the preparations to head to college in the fall. There are so many wonderful things ahead for you! I have no doubt that God has incredible plans for you and your life. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you and how He uses you to make a difference. I look forward to being able to share it with you as your bestfriend!  You are such an incredible blessing in my life and I am so thankful for you and who you are!! Six years down, may many more come. Here's to seven! I love you, Mike! :)

Passion Can Lead To Purpose

     Have you ever found yourself in a position where you are so tired and worn out with what you are currently doing that you wonder if it is really what you want to do? Has this made you question what you purpose is in life? Or maybe you are okay with what you are doing but still find yourself questioning what your purpose is. Sometimes we can start out doing something that we enjoy, at least at the time, and we our happy, but as time goes on we realize that it is not what we really want to do. Whether it be work, a long-term volunteer position, school (or a particular major), or any number of things, it can start draining us mentally, emotionally, physically, even spiritually. As it wears us out more and more we find it affecting our relationships with family and friends, our hobbies and activities, even our faith. We lack peace and joy in every aspect of our lives. Sure there may be moments when we feel those things, but overall we do not.

     There are all kinds of excuses for why we stay in positions where we feel no enjoyment and that drain us. Maybe we feel like we have to stay in the position we are in because of the security it provides. Maybe we feel like we will be letting people down if we do something else. Maybe we feel like we just are not good enough at anything else to do something else. Whatever the case may be, this is not how we should go about our lives.

     If this was the world that God initially intended it to be then we would all be able to spend our days doing the things that we enjoy doing, that we are passionate about. However, we do not live in that world but rather in this fallen world. It is not always easy for us to spend our live doing exactly that which we enjoy the most. What we can do however, is adjust our lives to fit the strengths that God has given us in a better way. This may not mean that we are able to do the exact thing that we most enjoy, but we can do something that is close to that or involves many aspects of it. By redirecting the things that we are doing to more closely fit the strengths that God gave us, we will be able to rediscover the joy and the happiness that God intends for us to have about life.

     For some of use we may not know what our strengths or gifts are, but it can be easy figure that out. You may feel like you are looking everywhere to figure out what your strengths are and it may seem like you have none or if you have any they are hidden. But here is a thought... Have you ever wondered if maybe you are looking in the wrong places or focusing on the wrong things? If you cannot figure out what to focus on, it can seem like strengths are nonexistent. Or maybe you feel like you have several strengths or gifts and you are having a difficulty figuring out which ones you should focus on. Figuring out what your strengths are can be as simple as answering some questions such as:

-What were your favorite subjects in school?

-What do you enjoy doing in your free time?

-What do you feel most comfortable and confident doing?

-What things seem to come natural to you?

     The list could go on, but it is questions like these that can help you figure what your strengths are. Once you figure that out you will more easily be able to find a way to make that a part of your life and work. Maybe that means a total career change or maybe it just means looking for a different position. If you are in school it might mean that you change your major or add a minor. There are all kinds of ways to redirect the things you do to fit your strengths. The joy and fulfillment you will find upon doing this will make life much more enjoyable. I really like the following quote about our strengths and passions...

What you are passionate about was

created in you to make a splash in this life

that no one else can make. 

-Nicole Johnson

     God only created one of each of us and he has given each of us different strengths and gifts. What we do with them is our choice and we can make an impact in our lives and on the world that no one else can. Whatever your strengths or gifts are, you can "make a splash". 

     So, what are some things they are holding you back from doing something that you truly enjoy? Or are you doing something that you enjoy and hope to continue doing? How can you make an impact using the strengths and gifts that God has given you? What are some ways that you are already making an impact with your strengths?

Que Sera, Sera

If you know any college kid, or just a school aged kid in general, then you know what the next couple of weeks are.

It is the much awaited Christmas Break.

For some of us college kids this is the end of the first week of break and for others it is only the beginning of break.

For me this is the end of the first week of Christmas Break.

I boarded the train last Saturday and arrived home at about 2am Sunday morning.

So I have been home just short of a week.

However, this has been the longest week.

I feel like I should be heading back to school next week, yet I have like two more weeks to go.

I just am not all that thrilled to be home and wish I could have stayed in Illinois.

I know my mom and sisters wanted me here, but other than that I have nothing here.

My home is in Illinois now and I want to be there so badly.

I hate that I feel so discontent being here, but at the same time I cannot pretend that I want to be here when in reality it is the last place that I want to be at this point in time.

My life is in Illinois despite the fact that I grew up here in Nebraska.

According to most people I should be excited to come back home and see friends and have fun with them, go to my home church and visit with everyone, go around town and see everyone I know, and in general just make my presence known to everyone in this small town in south central Nebraska.

Little do they know that that is not at all what I had planned.

I do not have friends in town to see and hang out with, go out to eat, crash at someone's house and watch movies and stay up late catching up with everything that has happened over the semester.

I have not had much in the way of friends in this town in years.

I do not even want to talk about church.

I dread the idea of even walking in the door and having to see everyone faking the smiles and the overly sweet sentiments from people who could not care less that I was back.

These people make a spectacle of saying hello and asking how things are going at school, but I can see right through their facade.

They never make an effort to talk to me otherwise.

They do not send me messages on Facebook, shoot me a text, call me up, or send me any letters.

They just throw on the smiles and the overly sweet words just because they have to keep up their image.

I mean nothing to the people in the church I spent 13 years of my life as a member of.

I knew they were not really huge fans of mine when I was there but I am not even a blip on their radar now.

I think it is better that way for me in the long run.

And in regards to the general public, I do not have much connections with people here. 

The only people who care that I am back are my babysitting families.

My kids have been waiting for me to get back for weeks and they are excited to see me.

If it were not for my kids I would not have anything happy to look forward to whatsoever.

I guess it is these times when I have come home that have really made it clear that going out of state for school was the best thing that I could have done for myself.

I would not have been happy had I stayed.

I am sure God would have worked things out, but it would not have been the same.

Coming here is hard for me to do anymore.

The anxiety that I was dealing with the night before, even the week before, leaving was ridiculous.

Coming here is such a strain on me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

It is not at all that I do not like the town and the area, but rather that I do not like the people here.

All of their drama and all of the craziness that comes along with them.

I am about ready to just clear out my Facebook and leave only a couple of really close family friends on their from the area.

I do not have a reason to keep connected with all these people.

They could not care less about what happens to me and really I am done dealing with the drama.

I have also realized since being home that I really need to tell my mom that I switched my major. 

I just do not know how she is going to take it.

I know I need to before I leave for St. Louis next week because my grandparents know and will probably say something.

I just feel like she has been pulling a guilt trip on me and she does not even know it.

She is constantly talking about Graduate school and internships and jobs.

All of these things that she has gotten herself attached to.

I feel like if I tell her she is going to freak out and then I am going to feel like I let her down.

I just do not feel like following that major was a good fit for me.

I did not like the classes related to it and therefore was not doing well.

But I did take a class related to my new major and I really enjoyed it.

(Which is surprising because it was all about the History and Philosophy of Education. Sounds like lots of fun, I know.)

I am really excited for my classes regarding my major that I am taking this coming semester.

Applied Arts for Teachers, Educational & Developmental Psychology, First Aid & Emergency Care, etc.

There is even a piano class in there!!!
I am so looking forward to this semester, but my mom does not know that I am taking them.

I just know she is going to pull the whole "Do you know how much I've put into this? Too much for you to be changing your major now!! What do you think this is? We can't afford you switching now! And what the heck even brought this idea into your think skull? I can't believe you would do this!! Everything was planned out and I'm working my butt off to get you through school and you go and do this?" ...etc., etc., etc. 

The whole thing will turn into a yelling match and will revolve around her and what she has done for my schooling.

It will have nothing to do with what I feel like I should do and what I feel God is leading me to.

None of that will matter at all when I tell her.

It's so stinking frustrating.

ARGH.

I just do not know what to do. :( 

But like Sly and The Family Stone say...

Que Sera, Sera....Whatever Will Be, Will Be

Here's The Thing About Ders...

Ok, so a lot of you that read my posts are also friends with me on Facebook.

Therefore you have seen various posts on there from me from the past weeks.

Many of these posts have been based in frustration about a lot of things that are going on.

Most of you, however, do not know what has been going on.

So here goes a basic recap of what has been going on these past weeks.

Three weeks ago I had my last day of full time work on Olivet's campus for the summer
That very same day I found out something that has completely changed everything.

My mom called to inform me that the judge had awarded full custody of my two younger sisters to our 'father'.

After four years of fighting against this, the worst happened.

Everything we had done to prevent this and it was all for nothing.

Or at least so it seems.

Our world came shattering down around us fast and hard.

Suddenly there were a million things that were starting to fall apart because of this ruling.

Financial issues regarding living situations, schooling, food, etc. were suddenly ten times worse than they were just hours before the letter arrived at the house.
We didn't have a clue how we were going to take care of everything.
We didn't know where money was going to come from or where we would be in a very short time.
We went from having things fairly well figured out for the near future to not knowing what was going to happen in the next couple of hours.
Emotions were (and continue) to run rampant.
Frustration, anger, sadness, fear, confusion, and so on and so forth.

Suddenly we had a million and one questions that needed answers, a lot of which we did not know.
What is the appeals process?
When can the appeals process be started?
How do we go about filing the appeal?
How long will the appeal process take?
When do the two girls move in with their father?
What will visitation schedule be for their mom?
What will happen in regards to finances?
What, if any, part of this will affect Shelbi and her schooling?
How do we pay for school?
How do we pay for rent for our house?
Etc, etc, etc...
The questions go on and on and they get more detailed and even harder to answer.
My mother and I have been working on answering these questions for the past few weeks.
It has been stressful and more times than not extremely frustrating.
Life is once again being completely controlled by lawyers, judges, and courts.
It is hard to sit back and watch them become the dictators of everything that can and cannot be done.
After years of it however, it is nothing new but it still is not something that is necessarily positive.

This all happened, with a lot more detail and emotion than I have shared but may share at some point, and I did not have any idea what I was going to do to make it through.
I was being faced with the very real possibility of not being able to stay here in Illinois at ONU.
It scared me and I did not know what I was going to do.
I did not want to leave and had more than a few break downs that first week.
One of those just so happened to be at my pastor's house.
(That was right after I had one in my apartment, which happened to include my lanyard flying across the room.)
I had a few more that first week, one of which resulted in my blowing off a good friend completely unintentionally.
Thankfully God has blessed me with friends who are understanding and are there for me even in my worst moments.
I ended up getting a job shortly after I found this all out.
I started that job the first week of classes.
Talk about stressing myself out and overworking myself.
So many things being thrown at me and a million things to learn and remember.
I'm still trying to get my feet firmly planted and a schedule set so I don't lose my mind.
Although I am pretty sure I lost it last week in amidst the craziness.
I keep being told of more things I need to do for classes, such as my multicultural hours for my Education class.
I have no idea how I am going to fit it in, but I hope I figure it out soon.
I am starting to enjoy work but at the same time I am not sure if I can keep the hours that I have right now.
I feel like there is a possibility that I might need a few less in order to fulfill my requirements for classes.

Well it has been a long few weeks.
God has been here through it all and I see Him in many different ways in the various situations.
But the devil has also been playing his cards throughout this whole situation the past few weeks.
He is constantly throwing in new things to tear me down and cause me to stumble.
Yet every step of the way I can see God working through it all.
It may not seem like it at the time but it is all working out the way that He sees fit.
At this point I am still at ONU and funds have been provided for me to stay for the year.
I don't know if that means I will be here next year.
I don't know what that means for the future at all.
I am currently in the process of possibly changing my major, so I don't even know what i'm going to be majoring in yet and that is kind of frustrating and makes it all hard.
But I am trusting God that will lead me in the direction that He wants me to go.
I do not know where that direction leads but I plan on following it where it takes me.
As long as it is in His will then it will not matter where it goes, but rather the things He has for me to do for His kingdom.
Even through the hardship, I know His way will prevail.