Good evening everyone! I told you that today (or tonight...) I would share my story or my testimony with all of you. As I go into this I just want to put out the warning that there will be some touchy subjects, some heavy subjects throughout and I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable or to stir up anything negative in anyone else because of that. I want to be open with you all and to share with you, but I don't want to cause anyone to stumble. Also, I don't know how long this will be but I will try to keep it somewhat short because I know that long posts can get tiring to read. This is the first time I have posted my story or anything quite this similar, so give me some grace as it will not be anywhere near a perfect draft or where I would like it to be. Here goes...

I was born in upstate New York, specifically Johnson City. I was basically born in church. My mom took me there all the time, same with my sisters when they were born. My grandpa was our pastor pretty much my whole life. My grandma was involved in various ministries, which is expected when one is the spouse of a pastor. We moved out to south central Nebraska when I was five years old. Just a couple years prior my grandparents had moved out there as well. My mom was a Children's Ministry Leader when I was a kid. 

I grew up doing everything in the church. I did Bible Quizzing, went through the whole Caravans program, went to Church Camp every summer, did all of the lock-ins and special events. I was at church whenever the doors were open. I took part in every musical I could. I was in Sunday School every Sunday morning. I was what many called the perfect church kid. I knew all the answers and according to most everyone I didn't do anything wrong, or at least I shouldn't because I was the granddaughter of the pastor and daughter of a children's ministry leader. I didn't think anything of this when I was young. I went along with it.

I accepted Christ when I was 8 years old at Church Camp. I thought God was the greatest and I was on fire for Him. Nothing swayed me and I thought I was set. Once I got to about 5th grade I started to really see another side of the church. I started seeing and experiencing the 'church politics'. I didn't entirely understand it then but I knew it wasn't good. I started becoming disillusioned with the church and I questioned things much more. In 6th grade I started joining the youth group for as many things as I could because I couldn't stand the children's program and the politics that were involved with it. At this point I started doing Teen Bible Quizzing, which is ten times better than Children's Quizzing!

NE Teen Bible Quizzing. Look at how tiny I was!! (I'm way over on the left)

Things at home had never been the greatest, although they weren't terrible. I was used to yelling and fighting about money and other things at night after my sisters went to bed. I thought it was normal and didn't think much of it. We had always had financial issues. Sometimes the issues were small and I didn't notice too much, while other times it was tough enough that we may be without our car for a few weeks or struggling to pull together money to get the basic groceries. Life wasn't easy but I knew people who had it worse. Things started to get worse between my parents in 6th grade. I saw and felt the change. Arguments grew more frequent and often times louder. My fathers anger issues started showing more. He no longer went to church with us, not even for holidays or special occasions. 

The end of 6th grade is when things really started getting hard. At this point my mom was now the Youth Pastor, which put more pressure on me to act and talk a certain way. I had lost my best friend from grade school when I went from the public school to homeschooling after 5th grade, but didn't think much of it as I ended up making a new best friend. This best friend was a year older than me, but our families were pretty close. One Wednesday right after school got out my mom and the other youth pastor got a call and had to leave during our free hour before youth group. I didn't think anything of it and the other teens didn't either. An adult was put in charge and we went on with what we were doing. Later that night I found out what that call was about. My best friend's mom had walked in on him molesting his two younger brothers. I remember that I didn't entirely understand, but I do remember crying as I was told that he would be going to juvy.  This was my first real experience with things really taking a downward turn. 

Abby, Me, My Mom, Amber, Katie and Jamie. We were all good friends at the time!

Middle school proceeded to throw its challenges at me. I had to close friends and that was it. The pressure to be the perfect church kid continued to grow. The people at the church who were the ones who should have been encouraging me, praying for me and helping me through everything were the ones who really tore me down more than anyone else. I remember hearing multiple times from multiple people that no one wanted to hear anything about my thoughts, opinions or feelings. Especially if any of them happened to contradict what and who they thought I should be as the church kid and youth pastor's daughter. I started to dislike coming to church. At the same time things at home got worse. My fathers anger started to come out in more physical ways. Outside of yelling on a regular basis over little things, he started to throw things when he was mad. It started out with small things like remotes and plastic dishes/silverware and grew to pieces of furniture such as chairs. This left holes in walls and sometimes other furniture. He even kicked in a few cabinet doors in the kitchen. I started to be afraid of him. I was afraid to be anywhere by myself with him. I was afraid to be out and about on the first floor of the house when he got home from work or when he was awake and about. I learned to retreat to my room or make plans to be gone. Babysitting become not only a job and something to enjoy, but also a refuge. 

Home was a place I didn't want to be. By the end of middle school things at home were getting pretty bad and I was starting to lean towards a slight hatred of youth group. Mind you I never said anything about church to anyone except the other youth pastor after she left the beginning of my 8th grade year. When your family are the leaders in ministry at the church you keep a lot of things to yourself. By the end of 8th grade I had a mask that I wore day in and day out. I was always smiling and things were always great. I learned to shut my emotions off and not let them dictate anything. No one saw behind the mask. Summer of 2007 was the last somewhat normal summer of my life, at least for a while, but it was also the beginning of a climax in my life. The picture above with my mom in it is one of the last ones I have on my Facebook of her walking.

In August 2007 my mom had an accident of sorts at work. She worked at an assisted living facility overnight and they had cats for the residents. She stepped on one by accident and it bit her. This caused a disorder that was diagnosed a few weeks later. She ended up being diagnosed with RSD/CRPS or Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy/Chronic Regional Pain Syndrome. She ended up in a wheelchair and there is no chance that she will walk again. This diagnosis threw a wrench in an already bad situation. What little bit of involvement my father had in our lives was now gone. He went to work and then came home to sit in his room. My mom was laying in bed in pain without the ability to help take care of anyone or anything, not even herself. At 14 years old I was suddenly in charge of taking care of my mom and my sisters. I cooked, cleaned, ran errands, planned out rides when need be, helped my sisters with their school, did my own school, worked basically full time, and many other things. I was stressed but it kept me busy so my mind wasn't thinking about things. It eventually hit too hard and I started to think that people would be better off without me. I didn't think anyone cared nor would they miss me. I was ready to end it all. I had it planned out twice, but thanks to my best friend at the time I couldn't bring myself to do it. It was a struggle to accept the fact that if I was gone that people would be affected. I had a hard time believing that throughout freshman year. 

Volleyball during my Sophmore Year of high school

I met my current bestfriend, Mike, the summer before my sophmore year. Little did I know, but he would become my rock and my one constant (besides God) in the coming years. Sophmore year started out like all of freshman year had gone. My mom's doctors and lawyers appointments and life being dictated by judges. It was only the beginning. Home life was really bad at this point. Bad to the point that I was rarely home and when I was I hid out in my room with my nose in a book in an attempt to block everything out. The end of my sophmore year my father filed for divorce. A four and a half year fight would begin that April. Custody battles started within a couple weeks and a temporary custody schedule was made. We all lived in the same house through that summer which made things hard. When fall came my mom, my sisters and I moved across town to our own place in less than eight hours. We were thrust back into the public school system. I got sick with Swine Flu and came close to hospitalization by the third time I caught it. My immune system was shot and I was still struggling with some of the depression issues that started freshman year. Throw in being forced by a judge to go to my father's place every other weekend and one night a week... I was a mess. I was so afraid to go over there. I subconsciously worked myself up to the point of physical sickness every weekend I was supposed to go. 

Church musical my sophmore year of high school

This was pushed aside until one weekend when it all came crashing down and my mom realized something was wrong. Often times things got so bad when we were leaving to go to his place that my mom, my sisters and I were all in tears and yelling at each other because we were frustrated and hated the situation. One Friday it fell apart for me. I suddenly had an anxiety attack while in the shower after school, although I didn't know that's what it was at the time. I barely finished it before falling to the floor in my bathroom with my towel over me. I was shaking and shivering, my body hurt everywhere, I was sobbing so hard I couldn't breathe well, I was physically making myself sick, and I felt like I was watching everything happen from outside my own body. My mom came down to get me and found me barely coherent on the bathroom floor. I remember her ending up in tears right there telling me how she wished that she didn't have to make me go. I also remember the doctors appointment the next week that ended with me being put on anxiety medication. I felt like I had hit rock bottom. I was on meds, still struggling with depression, hated going to church, had all of four close friends, and my family was a hot mess. Not to mention we got evicted at the end of my freshman year as well. 

French class trip to Paris, France

Senior year came along and I thought I was doing better. It was a lie. I had started to believe in the me that everyone else saw. The me that was always smiling and always saying things were great. I wanted to believe in it because I didn't want to focus on the disorderly life I was living. I had my first taste of alcohol the beginning of my senior year. Not enough to get drunk but just enough to help numb things a bit. I also started self harming during senior year as well. Not with anything that would be noticeable. I wasn't that stupid. I took erasers to my wrist, basically using friction to burn through my skin. The marks looked more like a burn from my straightner, thus they were easy to brush off. By this point I had the mask on so much and my emotions turned off so often that I was just wanting to feel something. I wanted to be reminded that I was alive, that I was still able to feel something because I felt so numb. I usually only harmed when I hit low nights where the depression, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, and all the other issues hit all at one time and I was so numb and felt so lifeless that I needed the pain. 

Hanging at a graduation party with my mom and great grandad

I had rededicated my life to Christ the summer before Senior year but wasn't doing a great job at following. I was a mess. I was watching my father pull all kinds of nonsense in front of lawyers and judges. I listened to him threaten to have me sent to juvy amongst other things. I watched as the people at church didn't really pay any attention. I watched as I let different guys come extremely close to crossing lines they shouldn't have. I was craving attention and these guys gave it. I never let the guys I knew get far enough, but if I didn't know them and wouldn't see them I let them say whatever they wanted. The things that were said and talked about shouldn't have even been though of let alone discussed. I was a mess but I was crying out to God in the midst of it all. I was asking to be renewed but I didn't feel like anything was happening.

I went off to college at Olivet Nazarene University in August 2011. I was still struggling with depression, anxiety and self harm. I didn't deal with it as frequently but it was still an issue. After almost failing out at the end of my first semester I finally kicked my butt into gear. That seemed to be the wake up call I needed. I started to see things turn around and I found myself reaching out to God more than ever before. I was praying and seeking Him. I was trusting Him. I knew that in the midst of it all God had been there and He was still there. I don't remember the exact moment it happened, but it was about the time that I got word that I was going to have to petition to stay at ONU that I recommitted to Christ. I knew it wouldn't be easy, but I knew it would be worth it. Through out the last two and a half years I have watched God change my life in incredible ways. It has been a year and a half since I have self harmed in any way. I rarely have anxiety attacks or any terrible moments of depression. I have seen God do some wonderful things in regards to family structure and just my relationships in general. I have watched Him reshape my idea of what a healthy relationship looks like.

Some of the amazing roommates and friends that have helped me so much these last three years at Olivet

After years of struggling through one big downward spiral I came out of it on top. Nothing is perfect nor will it ever be, but looking back I can see how God worked even in the darkness. I see Him in the people that came into my life. I can see His hand in the different circumstances. I can see His presence in so many little things throughout those years. I have no doubt that even when my eyes weren't focused on Him that He was guiding my path. He was protecting me in the midst of my lowest, most dangerous moments. He used it all to bring my eyes back to Him and I am so grateful that He did. His grace and mercy are so overwhelming and I don't deserve them in the least. He has blessed me so much over the last several years and I cannot even begin to express my thankfulness that He never gave up even when He had every right.

I haven't had contact with my father in three years and I still have my moments, but I lean on God in those moments in ways that I didn't before. I am still working on accepting God as my Father due to the negative view I have of fatherly figures due to my earthly father, but i'm getting there. God has blessed me with an amazing church family that has helped me to grow more in my faith, as well as other areas. I have been blessed with the opportunity to be at a great school with amazing roommates and friends. I have been blessed to gain another wonderful district church family that is incredibly supportive and so encouraging. I am reminded daily that even though I didn't lean on God and trust Him the way I should have throughout high school, He is still there and He still loves me regardless of what my past looks like. He is the ultimate Saviour and Healer! I am daily learning how to serve Him better and how to live more and more like Him.

What is your story? How has God worked in your life?

(P.S. The pictures don't particularly have anything to do with the story but they kind of fit the timeline. They also show that even though someone is dealing with depression, anxiety and/or self harm they can and do still live normal lives. You often can't tell that something is wrong, so don't write someone off as not being affected by these things because they very well could be.)

This Weekend // Memorial Day

It's been a good weekend, but it has definitely felt like an extremely long one even in the midst of a lot of good. There were a lot of things that happened, although only a few were actually related to my internship.

 

 I had the day off Saturday, so I went to the Kankakee Farmer's Market with Bev and enjoyed wandering around the market, eating some great homemade pastries, and listening to some live music. On our way home we stopped by a very large and extremely busy greenhouse to get some flowers. I then enjoyed some time just reading and watching a movie. Then we went out to dinner at Lone Star Steakhouse and then Bev and I went to the movies. We saw Mom's Night Out and it was awesome!! Such a great movie! The cast was wonderful and I absolutely enjoyed it.

We then had an early morning of set up for church, although we didn't get there until about 7am. We did set up and ended up having a bit of a bare bones service due to a number of people being gone. It was still a good morning of worship. That evening I helped with JourneyKids and it was quite an interesting end to the year. It always amazes me the variations of Bible stories that the children come up with!

This morning Andy and I spent time doing some work in town and then came back home with everyone for a Memorial Day cookout/lunch. We had a great lunch of grilled salmon and grilled pork, corn on the cob, baked potatoes, croissants, and fruit salad. Then a really good apple tart dessert. It was a good day just hanging out and relaxing. This afternoon I took the time to make the dessert for small group tomorrow night and used some of Caitlyn's help.

I made Raspberry Fudge Zebra Brownies, although the topping recipe I followed wasn't the greatest, but we made it work. Caitlyn was pleased with herself for cracking an egg without getting any shell in the bowl! 

 

The brownies turned out pretty good! It was fun to be able to do a little baking and to have Caitlyn's help. It definitely made things go a little faster. We were listening to and singing along with the Disney station on Pandora and the boys were complaining that it distracted them from watching baseball two rooms away! :) Silly boys! 

A quick and easy dinner was in order after such a long day and then a movie and some more relaxing. It was a good weekend and a nice day to kind of get a little bit of rest before the week starts and the rest of the interns officially start. It was a good kick off to the summer!

 

Happy Memorial Day! 

Thank you to all of the service men and women in all the 

different branches of the Armed Forces. I am truly grateful for 

all that you do to allow us to have the liberties that we do!

A Father To The Fatherless

Image courtesy of daughtersneedafather.org

 Normally it doesn't matter what my past looks like with the exception of times when people who want to or need to talk about something and I can share a relevant experience to help. I don't make it a habit to share it on a regular basis, but I accept that it is a part of who I am and how I go about life. The things in my past have helped to bring me to where I am and turn me into the person that I am. I have been lucky to come out on the better side of things. However, it still isn't always easy to talk about it.

Out of nowhere I was asked about my father on two different days this week, back to back. Two slightly different questions both of which ended up receiving the same answer. Both of which meant that I had to talk about the fact that I have not had any contact with my father in almost three years. Not that is a surprise at all to me with his history. He never was really interested in being involved in my life and the older I got the less interested he was. Throw in financial issues, long-term medical conditions, a divorce, lawyers, judges, and a whole slew of family history and it was one hot mess. 

He stopped being interested when I was in mid to upper elementary school. I learned quickly that I was better off to avoid interacting with him the majority of the time. His anger issues didn't make talking to him easy, helpful or beneficial. Often I just talked to my mom and asked for her permission for things. By the time I hit middle school I knew when to avoid him and how to go about doing so. I spent many days and evenings away from home in an attempt to not have to interact with him. By the time high school rolled around I spent so little time at home that my lack of time there caused him to get angry with me. After my mom's diagnosis with a rare nerve disorder and then their divorce, I barely interacted with him except for a rare occasion on one of his weekends or Tuesday nights. By the time I was just about two months away from leaving for college he told me that he could care less if I showed up for visitation or even made contact with him. So for my sanity I didn't. I walked away and have kept my distance out of safety for myself mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I tried contact once and it was never returned. The one time he attempted contact it was merely in an attempt to get revenge on my mom. I decided then that it was better for me at this point in time to not have contact.

This has made things hard for me with regards to my faith. I listened to so many people refer to God as Father. They talked about all of the qualities He had of a father figure. All these good things that fathers supposedly had. However, I didn't grow up experiencing those things so I found it hard to believe that God could possibly be all of those things. That He could possible be the perfect Father. I kept making excuses for why I couldn't accept that fact, none of which involved the whole experience with my earthly father. I didn't want to admit that the reason I struggled accepting it was because I hadn't experienced anything good with my father. I struggled with it for a long time. One of the times that really made me rethink it all and process it in a new light was the message that Reggie Dabbs gave at NYC 2011. I was reminded that God is so much bigger and so much better than any earthly father, even the good ones. He didn't want me to experience what I did because of my earthly father, He didn't want me to be hurt by him. But it happened and He has come to bring me through it and to show me what the Father is truly like. 

It has been a heck of a ride and it hasn't been an easy one. Do I still have days where I struggle accepting God as being the Father? Yeah, I do. Do I still have a hard time referring to Him as Father? Absolutely. Do I always remember and fully believe all of the aspects that make Him the most perfect Father? No. I am not always good at remembering the reasons why He would think that I am worthy to be His daughter. I still struggle every now and then to accept that He truly is the perfect Father, especially on bad days. There are many days where it is still hard for me to refer to Him as Father, because that word conjures up so many not so great memories. It is a struggle often and in many forms, but I am constantly trying. I am constantly asking Him to help me to come to fully acknowledge and accept that He is the perfect, never failing Father. That He is the Father that will never leave, never forsake and never extort. He forgives me when I fall short of His will for me. He blesses me a thousand times more than I could ever ask. He gives me grace that I have not earned nor do I deserve. His love for me still amazes me on a daily basis. I may not have been blessed with a good earthly father, but I have a Heavenly Father who far surpasses him in every way.

"A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing." -Psalm 68: 5-6a

 

Mike || 6 Years & Couting

This evening I am dedicating my post to a very special person in my life. Someone who has been a big part of my life for several years now and one of the few constants in my life the last several years.

This person is my bestfriend Mike. Mike and I have known each other for six years this summers. I don't remember with great clarity the first time we met but he seems to have a decent memory of it and my awkwardness was definitely in fully play! Go figure! While that day is a little blurry for me, his overall presence in my life doesn't feel like it started on a specific day but rather like he has been there all along. That is definitely not the case but he has played such a key part in my life for so long that it seems that way. After the first time we met we just kind of hit it off and have been bestfriends ever since. 

Unlike most bestfriends we didn't live next door, down the street or across town from each other. We met at a district church event. I lived in Hastings and he lived in Omaha, thus putting us two and a half hours away from each other. At the time neither of us had phones nor a way to be on Facebook consistently or at the same time very often. The monthly district youth events were something we looked forward to. They were the one time (sometimes two) that we knew we would get to see each other, even if only overnight during a lock-in. Making a friendship last long distance, even if it was only two and a half hours, is not easy when you may have to go a month or more without communication. Yet we made it for three years with things like this. Sometimes we were lucky to catch each other on Facebook, but we relied on events. 

Despite the distance he quickly came to be the person that I could talk to about everything and a rock in some crazy storms. He's been there through personal issues, my mom's disorder, my parent's divorce, and much more. Looking back i'm not sure entirely how we managed to make it and become closer despite the distance and the lack of communication at times. Never would have guessed it could have lasted but I am so very, very glad it has. He is such a big blessing in my life. I thank God for him all the time. It isn't easy to put how much he means to me in words and I don't think I ever will be able to fully do so.

I have only come to realize how important he is in my life and how much of blessing in the last three years. The first three we were just a short two and a half hours apart. The last three years however have been across a bit larger distance. I left for school just south of Chicago back in August 2011. This meant that Mike and I were now eight hours apart. Talk about making things quite a bit harder than before. Luckily at this point we both had gotten phones and it became easier to talk online. The benefit of having technology while being far apart is huge, but it still doesn't replace seeing each other face to face. Sadly, it's been roughly a year and a half between every time we have seen each other. Quite the opposite of once a month. This distance has not been easy and many times is more of a struggle with technology, yet I am so thankful for it. We don't often get to have full conversations, but even a few words exchanged can make my day. 

So after six years of long distance friendship we sit here in two different states and realize just how blessed I am. There are times when we have to put in more effort to stay connected, but it is worth it. Sometimes it is hard to deal with the distance when I have to miss important days. Last weekend happened to be one of those important days. Last weekend Mike finished off his high school career. He walked across the stage and graduated. After four long years it was all done with. I am so very, very proud of him and his accomplishment! I couldn't be more happy for him and more proud of anyone. I just wish I had been there to celebrate his accomplishments with him that day. Saying congratulations via Facebook and phone just doesn't cut it. But we take what we can get. 

Mike after graduation (picture courtesy of his dad)

Mike, after six years of friendship, I just want to say how very proud of you I am! You have overcome so much and the way you have handled it all is inspiring. When someone or something tried to knock you down you got right back up and showed them you were stronger. You are such a huge blessing to me, as well as others! I am so proud of you and so very happy for you as you are making the preparations to head to college in the fall. There are so many wonderful things ahead for you! I have no doubt that God has incredible plans for you and your life. I cannot wait to see what the future holds for you and how He uses you to make a difference. I look forward to being able to share it with you as your bestfriend!  You are such an incredible blessing in my life and I am so thankful for you and who you are!! Six years down, may many more come. Here's to seven! I love you, Mike! :)

Is Christmas Really Next Week??

Hey everyone!!

Well it's been a short while since i've posted anything and i'm sorry for my absence, but it was needed as the last few weeks have been hectic with finals, job stuff, and figuring out travel plans.

So for a quick overview of my life lately...

About a month ago I got a haircut (finally!) and new glasses! These glasses were about two years late and much needed!

This was right before heading home for Thanksgiving!
The Saturday before Thanksgiving my youngest biological sister came to stay with me at school for a few days before heading to New York for the holiday. Doesn't she just look thrilled to be hanging out with me for a few days?? Lol, she did have a 13 hour train ride before that so...

Getting back from Thanksgiving in NY I had to spend the next two weeks doing homework, practicing piano, finishing up projects and presentations, and getting details of work figured out.
It was pure craziness and sleep was a rarity!
There was one night I only got about an hour and a half because my brain just wouldn't slow down.

I spent several evenings and mornings in Larsen in a practice room for many hours practicing scales, triads, accompaniments, and repertoire pieces.
I really just thought this was a cool picture to record my clearly dedicated and focused practice time... :)

I really didn't have any big finals as they were all chapter tests, with the exception of piano.
One test however was take home, which was wonderful! And another test was open notes so that was a true blessing!!

The last couple days of finals week I spent time with my roomies and my 'roomies'.
All of us will be reunited in January when classes start again, with the exception of one. Nellie will be spending next semester on the other side of the pond. She will be taking classes and living in London. It isn't going to be the same with her gone but I know that she is going to have a great time!! And that God is going to do some amazing things in her and through her while she is there!
Plus we will be Skyping her during weekly Bible study...
Probably not every time but every now and then!

Me, Alaina, Emma, Mary, Alyssa, Jess, Nellie... Anna was working :(

The picture above is all of us minus Anna, who was working if I recall.
This was from the beginning of the semester at the Block Party.
The eight of us have all been living together since freshman year and we will likely be living together next year as well!! Well most of us anyways... (Save that info for later!)

The Sunday after finals I got to be in the Journey Tots room and got to spend time teaching and playing with this adorable little man! Noah is pretty stinking cute!
And he is going to be a big brother in just a few months!! Yay! :)

The beginning of December I officially started working at my church through NAMB.
This will be my job through next November, with the likelihood of continuing for the year after that.
I will continue doing what I already do with a few added jobs.
It is a blessing to be able to work doing what I love and enjoy while in college!
And it fits with my major and minor!
What are the odds?!
It truly is a blessing and I thank God for this opportunity!

Starbucks with Beth, Mary, Alyssa, and Emma!!

This picture really has nothing to do with this post, but I do look forward to spending time with all of those lovely ladies again in the coming semester!

So that is a brief overview and I look forward to getting some more posts up soon and hopefully more regularly this coming year!!
Hard to believe Christmas is next week and New Years the week after that!!
Where has the year gone?

Anyways, time to finish up work and prep for youth group tonight!
God bless you all!!

Super Summer 2013

Hey y'all!! I'm back tracking to the beginning of the summer to tell you all about the first 'not' camp (it really is camp lol) that I participated in this summer. This 'not' camp is an intense week long discipleship camp for students who have just finished 8th through those who have just graduated high school. The students are put into schools based on the grade they finished. Each school has a dean, an assistant dean, a team leader assistant (?) and then 4-5 team leaders. Each school has a theme and a color. The dean and assistant dean teach multiple lessons throughout the week based on their theme and the overall theme of the camp. There are chapel/worship services in the evenings with messages based on the overall camp theme.

This year was a special year though. This year was the 20th Anniversary of Super Summer. It was such an awesome experience to have my first year there be such a special year in the history of Super Summer. On our last day everyone wore there Super Summer shirt (color based on what school they were in...black shirts are staff members) and we took a group picture of everyone who came to camp, along with a special banner.

Super Summer 2013...20th Anniversary

You can't really see me, but i'm back with everyone in the blue shirts. I was a TL in Blue School. GO BLUE SCHOOL!!! A friend from school and a fellow summer intern was also a TL in Blue School. The rest of the team was new to me, but I quickly got acquainted. It was such a blessing to get to know everyone that was leading Blue School. I couldn't have asked for a better team. God definitely knew what He was doing when He brought all of us together to lead those students. I have gotten to know them better since then as well and look forward to getting to know them better in the future.

The best yet scariest part of the week was being a family group leader. Family group is small group and I was leading one with seven 8th (soon to be 9th) grade girls. This is most definitely not my area of expertise, but I couldn't back out or push it on someone else. This was my group and I went into the week unprepared and not knowing what to expect. We met three times a day in small group and talked over things that were discussed in school sessions and in chapel. I ended up being blown away by these young ladies in my group! They already have strong relationships with Christ and are working to get closer. I got to see some changes throughout the week in the mindsets of a couple of them and it was amazing. I got to know a couple of them better and more one-on-one. It was such a blessing that they were so open to trusting me with the things going on in the heads and hearts. It really allowed me to better pray for them, as well as be able to encourage them in different things throughout the week and even now as I continue to keep in touch with them through Facebook.

My family group...Beautiful Godly young women!

These girls were crazy & made me laugh :)

We took some pictures as a family group on the last day. This last day was when they really clicked as a group and I wish we could have had just a couple more days. I can only imagine what would have happened!! They are absolutely amazing young ladies with hearts for Christ. They're enjoying life and learning how to daily live for Him. While in the midst of this the antics are quite funny. From Skittle accidents to spitting water across everyone (unintentionally) to doing crazy flips and tumbles in the grass. These young ladies were so amazing to work with!! I am beyond blessed to have been able to have spent a week getting to know them and share with them. I didn't know how the week was going to turn out but it was definitely far  better than I expected!!

I try to keep in touch with them all on a regular basis, which from what i've gathered isn't common for TLs. It's a blessing to know how i've worked in their lives even when I didn't think I was doing a good job. One of the girls told me that i'm the best TL she's had at Super Summer. I was surprised when she said that. I know that I can only credit that to God because I couldn't have done that on my own. That week and those girls were in His hands...I was merely a tool in the whole plan.

That week in June was an incredible blessing and one of the highlights of my summer (and likely my year)!! I wish we had had more time, but i'm incredibly happy to have had the time we did. I pray daily that these girls, along with all the other students, learn how to walk with Christ in their daily lives. I pray that He shows them how important they are and how useful they can be. I pray that He bless them in everything they do and that they may be a blessing to everyone they come in contact with. My prayers for them are unending.

It was a wonderful week!! I hope I didn't bore everyone by sharing about this incredible God focused week. It was such a blessing to me and I just wanted to share it!!

Throwback Thursday

It's that time of the week again!!

I know I didn't post a throwback last week because I was busy and it got put off.

However, I am back with one this week.

This throwback is not from many years ago, but rather from just about 2 years ago.

It comes from my freshman year of college.

We are quite an attractive group at 3am aren't we? Lol!

This group of awesome ladies pictured above is roughly half of my freshman dorm floor.

There are about 15 or so of us (most of which are pictured) that still hang out on a regular basis.

These ladies are some of the most awesome friends I could have asked for during my first year of college.

They have been an amazing support system on the good days, as well as the bad.

Collectively as a group we have been through all kinds of things.

In individual groups of 2-4 we have gone through numerous trials of all kinds.

I have had the opportunity to room with two of the lovely ladies in the above picture.

And this coming year I will have the opportunity to room with a couple of other girls from my floor, although they are not pictured above.

God knew exactly what He was doing when He put us all together on one floor that first year.

He has given us awesome friends! Sisters for life!

I got the blessing of not only rooming with 50 awesome ladies my freshman year, but getting to room with 10 of those awesome ladies my sophmore year.

There are 8 of us that will be living in the same apartment complex next year.

There will be many others visiting on a regular basis though, so that number is just those actually listed as living there.

I am so blessed to have connections with all of these amazing sisters in Christ.

While we have all grown and done our own thing, we have supported each other and come alongside each other throughout it all.

I have lived life with so many of them and shared some intense heart to hearts with a handful.

These ladies are some of the most amazing people I have met at college!

Sometimes I wish I could go back and relive some of the crazy, silly moments just because.

Yet at the same time I look forward to all of the wonderful memories we will make in the future!

God brought us all together for a reason and while I do not know in whole what that is, I have seen Him in so many of my interactions with these ladies.

Many of them have had a huge impact on my walk with God, most in very positive ways!

I could not have asked for a better group of Christ following sisters to share my college years & many beyond with.

They are a blessing to me on a daily basis and I thank God for them daily!!