So last night was youth group, better known as Journey Live. I have been going to Journey Live and helping out (of sorts) since the fall. When I say helping out it generally means that i've helped to hold the peace, add a comment in here or there, and cook when needed. I have not had to step into the role of actually leading youth group or taking a more proactive leadership role. I have mainly gotten to work on getting to know the teens and connect with them. This whole sorta backseat role i've been occupying this year is going to get bumped up several levels in the next couple weeks. As a part of doing summer missions team (a post will be coming about mission team and the upcoming summer soon) everyone on team will be split up to focus on certain areas of ministry. I will be staying with the teens. However, me and the other one to two people who will be working with the teens will pretty much be in charge of leading all of the activities and small group interactions this summer. This really hit me tonight both during youth group and after in conversations with the teens and fellow adult leaders. I was informed by my pastor of something that I already knew about and have been working on, but sometimes feel like i'm getting nowhere. I need to speak up during small group interactions and Bible lessons. I have been trying to work on this but feel like I get stuck or as soon as I start moving forward I get pushed back again. You may be asking why I even have to work on this to begin with? Well I have an answer for you. Just give me some time to explain...

Youth group was not a pleasant experience for me for the most part. I found it to be one of the places where I actually got torn down and pushed away more than I was lifted up and welcomed. It really ended up shaping me into the person that I am today and that is not entirely a positive thing. Growing up I was pretty talkative, especially once I got to know someone and was comfortable, and this trait followed me into middle school. I went into youth group fairly outgoing since I knew most everyone and I was not afraid to talk and share my thoughts. This lasted for about the first year, so through 7th grade. During that year and the year that followed I really got a lot of negative remarks coming from those in my youth group. I quite frequently heard it said that no one cared what I had to say and no one wanted to hear my thoughts or my feelings. I was pretty much told that I needed to stop talking because no one wanted to hear what I had to say. This really tore me apart and by the time I hit freshman year of high school I rarely talked during youth group, especially during our Bible lesson. Due to other circumstances, this new found habit of not talking became the only way to survive. It didn't help that my mom was in a youth pastor position and my grandpa was the pastor of the church. This meant that everyone expected my life to be perfect. Little known fact: being a PK doesn't mean your life is perfect and you never mess up. We mess up on a daily basis just like everyone else. But I wasn't allowed to share this with people because I was instantly judged and it immediately looked bad on my family. By the time junior and senior year came around I was only going to youth group once or twice a month, if that. There were times I wouldn't go for two to three months at a time. I didn't like being there and with family circumstances it was easy to come up with reasons not to go.

Now that I am a part of a youth group and in a leadership position, I am forced to look back at my youth group experience and see what went wrong and try to keep those things from happening in this youth group.

When you think of a youth group, specifically a healthy youth group that has a regular group of attendees and is growing, you think of a place where students can come and feel welcome. They can come into youth group and feel like they are safe. They should feel like they can share what they are thinking, feeling, and experiencing without being judged. They should be shown God's love by their peers and those that are leading the group. We often think of many of the things that are shown in the image below...

     These things were apart of my youth group at various times but never at the same time. Transitioning from having real youth pastors to having people just fill a rotation schedule so someone was always with us made this hard as well. We never felt like anyone actually wanted to be with us. The new youth pastor they have now doesn't even want to be there. The things in this image are what I longed to have on a regular basis in youth group, but I never got them. These things are also the very things that I want the teens in Journey Live to experience on a regular basis. I want them to come in and feel the presence of strong, positive leadership, a sense of connection and openness with one another, and feel that they are accepted in the group no matter who they are, what they have done, or where they are in the lives.

I want the teens to have that amazing youth group experience that I wish I had had. I hear stories from friends at college about their youth groups and in all honesty I get jealous. Their groups always sound like they were the best! I really want to be a part of making Journey Live that kind of a group/place for these students. I want them to be able to look back on it when they grow up and have positive memories from it. I felt a little like a dork because I was thinking about this on my drive home after youth group and I started tearing up because I just feel so strongly about this issue. These students deserve the best that we can give them and I really want to give that to them! I just need to remember that part of giving that to them is getting past the negative impact of my youth group experiences. It probably won't be easy, but I think it will be worth it in the end.

I am looking forward to the challenges that working with these students this summer will present, as well as the many, many, many wonderful and amazing moments and memories that will come about!! They are such an awesome group of students and I pray that I will be able to provide what they need this summer alongside my fellow mission team members and adult leaders from church. I have no doubt that this summer will be an awesome season of growth for these students, as well as those of us working with them. It may not be in the numbers of students attending, but it will no doubt be in the hearts and lives of the students. I am excited to see the students grow and change in their faith!! It will no doubt be a summer to remember!!

Send Me

Summer just got over about a month ago, or a little shorter than that for some of us.

You would think that I should be focusing on today.

Yet I am spending time figuring out what I am going to do next summer.

I think I already have it figured out, which may seem kinda crazy to some of you out there.

But I do not think it is crazy.

Rather I think that it is a good thing that I feel lead to what I am doing next summer this far in advance.

I can more adequately prepare and make sure I am spiritually ready for it.

It releases the stress of trying to figure out what I will be doing in April.

I can relax and just spend time with God getting myself ready to face whatever challenges may come my way.

For those of you who may be curious as to what I am planning on doing this coming summer, I will give a quick overview.

I am planning on staying here in Illinois and doing missions work with my church.

This can, and most likely will, include various aspects of ministry.

From office and administrative, to kids and students ministries.

If I can figure out some instrument stuff, then quite possibly some music stuff will be in there as well.

The specifics are yet to necessarily be nailed down, but they will be the closer the summer gets.

Now some of you may be asking why I would want to spend my summer doing this.

Simply put...I feel like God wants me to.

It isn't anything complicated that requires a ten page answer.

I just simply feel called to do it.

To some this may seem odd, yet to some it may seem like a tremendous opportunity.

I see it as another step in my journey with God.

He has a plan for this coming summer and I have no clue what it is, but I am extremely excited to find out!

I could not ask for a better opportunity.

God has opened a door for me and I feel blessed to be able to walk through it.

 

I feel that although I feel called to partake in this opportunity, I am going to be faced with many people who are greatly opposed to the idea of my staying here and doing this.

I have an idea of who some of these people are.

At first I do not think that they will necessarily approve, but I think that eventually they will be okay with it.

I just do not want to back out of this because of what people think, because ultimately it is God who will grant the ultimate approval for this opportunity.

If I feel like God has called me to do this, then I am going to do it.

It may upset some people or even make some people blow me off because they don't understand.

But I'm not supposed to be pleasing people, but rather God.

I may feel sad that people may feel negative feelings toward this, but I feel like if it is in God's will I will feel at peace about this decision that I have made.

 

I am just going to be continuously praying that God will provide whatever is necessary.

I am also praying that He will give me confidence in this decision as I move forward in the application process.

I am trusting that this is where He wants me to be and that everything will work out for His purpose.

I am confident in His plan and am willing to follow where ever He may lead.

Just Needed To Share Something

Ok, so I just wanted to share something and thought this was the perfect place.

This week we are doing Block Parties at parks throughout the community.

We have been joined this week by a missions team from Arkansas (about 30 people).

Patrick had quite a day yesterday organizing everything with the team throughout the day as well as getting things ready for the Block Party last night.

So after he came and got me we headed back to the park.

We get there and the mission team is out there just having a blast with everything.

They had different booths set up with various things.

They had a tent set up where Faith was doing balloon animals (and other things) and Naomi and some of the other girls were doing face painting.

Jerry was all about doing the cotton candy. Well at least he was when he wasn't going around to other booths and talking with us and the kids that were there.

Justin had a game set up and so did Jessica.

There were hot dogs, popcorn, and sno cones.

There was music going. (And some dancing every now and then as well.)

It was a great time getting to talk with some of the people from the neighborhood and even getting a chance to get better acquainted with the mission team from Arkansas.

Being me, I was watching the different people come and go and kinda watching how long they were lingering around and talking to people.

There was one couple that was there who i'd been watching, and apparently so had some of the Arkansas mission team.

This couple had gotten there when it started and they were definitely lingering.

I grabbed a card with some of our info and a little map of our location and then headed on over to talk to them some more.

I sat down and got to talking with them again.

Made some connections with them through Olivet, as well as through where we were from.

We then got to talking about some random things and then he asked me how I got connected with Journey Church.

So I told him how I started coming and how I really started getting involved.

I talked a little about the summer mission team.

And then he surprised me by sharing some of his church history.

As he shared that and I talked to him a little more about Journey, it was clear that he was interested in Journey and thinking about coming to church.

They both seemed very interested in the church and said they'd really like to check it out.

Talk about the whole crazy day being worth it.

And like Patrick made a point of, those two people may never have even considered going to church, specifically speaking ours, if we hadn't sat down and talked with them for two hours.

That process of building a relationship with them and building trust with them is what opens the doors to get them interested in the church and interested in learning more about God.

It was such a great opportunity to get to know them!

Seeing them warm up to us and to the possibility of coming to church as we were sitting there talking was incredible.

I'm praying that God will be working in their hearts this week through the seed that we planted last night.

And even if we don't see them at church, at least we know that we made an impact in there lives.

And that is why we are doing this.

That is what we are all about.

The devil may have tried to tear everyone down all day, but in the end God prevailed.

God was moving and He will continue to move this week!

 

Some Things Are Not As Dead As They Seem

I'm really not sure how to go about starting out this post.

I have some good things to share and some not so good as well.

I guess I will start with the good.

God has blessed me tremendously!

I have a church family in Illinois that has accepted me as I am and where I am.

They have more than opened their arms to me.

They have wrapped me up in the church family.

I feel like I am truly accepted by my church family and I haven't felt that way in a church in many, many years.

(Yes, I call them my church family. This may seem weird to those of you in Nebraska, and maybe even to a degree it may seem as though I am turning my back on you all. I still love you all, but this is a new chapter in my life and I have my own life in Illinois and this includes my church.)

God has placed me amongst a church family that is truly amazing.

Without them this summer would have been a very long, lonely, boring summer.

They have made Bourbonnais feel like home.

I couldn't have ever asked for what they have given me.

I appreciate it all and I am extremely thankful to everyone for what they have done for me.

I have to talk about the Mission Team again.

They are all amazing and I am grateful to have this summer with them.

I have to focus on the guys because I have spent the most time with them.

These guys are such a great influence in my life and I think God has put them in my life for a reason, possibly multiple reasons.

These guys blow the phrase "Chivalry is dead" out of the water.

They never fail to go out of their way to make sure the females that are with them at the time are taken care of first or put first in general.

This is something that I haven't grown up with and am not used to.

I have to make a conscious effort not to chastise them about it because I know that they are doing exactly what they are supposed to and it is my job to encourage them as their sister in Christ.

I may not have grown up with it, but it is something that I am slowly getting used to.

It is becoming something that I expect.

These guys have been such a positive influence in my life in how I view men.

I have never had this example of chivalry or of guys being gentleman before.

It is nice to know that there are guys who are still being raised with those standards.

It just makes me hope that I will end up marrying a man who is like this guys and who will be the example of a true chivalrous gentleman to any kids he is around or helps raise.

The guys on the mission team have no idea how high they have made me raise my standards.

They're just making it that much harder for a guy to get me to date him.

I appreciate all of their influence more than they can imagine.

I am and have been truly blessed by these Godly men on the mission team.

My boys.

I got to spend time with two of the boys that I have babysat since they were born.

I took them out to dinner this evening and then we watched some AFV and cuddled on the couch after we took a ton of pictures.

I love those boys like crazy and hate to have to say goodbye.

It's hard to say goodbye and watch them get mad because you're leaving again.

It makes it really hard.

I cannot wait until October when I get to come back and see them again.

Ok, so now for the lengthy section of not so good stuff.

I grew up in the Nazarene church (I got to a baptist church now).

I grew up in the church my grandpa pastored.

When I was a kid I loved going to my church and I loved all the people there.

This lasted until probably around 5th grade.

At this point I realized how much the church and those in leadership positions were concerned about the politics of the church. Most of the time the politics of the church were viewed as more important than the church itself.

Now maybe it's just me, but I don't think that that is how God wants the church to be.

I learned a lot of lessons from the church and the people in it over the next 7 years.

Although I have to say that the majority of them were not positive like you might expect.

I learned a lot of lessons I figured I would learn from the world rather than the church.

Some of the things that I learned are:

-People are not necessarily to be trusted (with personal matters or otherwise)

-People  will tear you down and rip you apart to get what they want

-If you don't suck up to people then you mean nothing to them

-People don't really care what you have to say or what you think

-Emotions are also highly overrated

-If you are a child of a pastor (senior, youth, etc.) you're automatically held to a much higher standard than everyone else and the slightest slip means you get looked down upon by everyone

-And many other lessons could be listed.

As you can see I didn't really learn anything positive from the church here.

It's hard to come home and go to the church here.

I feel like I should be excited to come back here and see everyone at church, but in all honesty I have a hard time even making myself go to church here.

I haven't had a connection with anyone here in years.

I hardly even went my last two years of high school.

It wasn't that I didn't want to go to church, because I really did.

Rather I didn't want to go because every time I was there I felt like I was being stared at and judged by everyone there. It didn't feel welcoming at all.

And ever since I left for school last August, the only people from the church who have contacted me at all are the parents of the kids I babysat.

No one else contacted me at all, but they were constantly talking to and conversing with the other college students from the church.

I can tell you why that is but I will refrain because it would end up being a rather lengthy description.

It was just hard being at church this Sunday because I felt very much like people would have even noticed I was there had it not been for the 3 adults that actually did care and make an effort to keep up on how I am doing while i'm in Illinois.

I really just wanted to leave within minutes of being there.

Had it not been for one of my boys coming and sitting with me during service it would have been a very long morning.

It also helped when I got a text from McKenzie.

After asking about the trip back here, he told me that everyone at Journey was asking where I was.

People have no idea how much that means to me.

The fact that they noticed that I wasn't there since i've only been going for about 5 months is something I wouldn't have expected.

The church here that I went to for 13 years didn't even ask that the first Sunday I was away at college. Not a single one of them.

Journey has been a blessing and I hope to stay apart of the church and their ministry for the next few years at least.

Now to get to family stuff.

If only I could share everything that is on my mind relating to this topic.

I can't do so because some of it shouldn't be shared and there is just far too much on my mind regarding the subject.

The main thing right now has to deal with my mom.

I like to come back here to visit for a few days, but it is very hard to come back.

When i'm at school my mom encourages all of the things I do and has not an issue with any of it.

Soon as i'm back here she treats me like i'm in middle school still.

I'm going to be 20yrs old in 6 months.

I am an adult but she treats me like a kid all the time when i'm home.

It makes it really hard to come back here to visit.

It's making me really consider just staying in Illinois for the summers and for a while after graduating.

I don't know that I will come back to Nebraska to live.

I love Nebraska but I just can't do it anymore.

Well, that is as far as I am going to go into those topics on here for the evening.

I really just wish there was someone I could talk to.

I feel the need to just have an actual conversation and discuss things face to face with someone.

Oh well, I do not have that opportunity at the moment.

It's going to be a long night of packing, listening/singing to music, and praying.

God has gotten me this far and I have no doubt that He will get me through whatever is coming.

It is through Him that I can do all things!!