Hitting A Little Too Close Too Home...

14 February 2013

Sometimes people unintentionally say things that just hit way too close to home for you.
And sometimes people ask you to share about things that have happened in your life.
Either way, they both end up bringing back memories and emotions you have tried to forget about.

Tonight was one of those situations.
It was youth group and I was asked to share about my mom's disorder and my parents divorce.
Neither one of those are light topics.
And they both are interconnected...unfortunately.
While I was asked to share because it was to help the teens understand the importance of the lesson...
...it did not make the memories and thoughts hurt any less.
It did not keep me from getting into even more of a funk than I was already in when I got there.

It just kind of added onto everything else that I was thinking about.
I know it was not the intention of the question being asked, but it happened.

This past week or so has just had me in quite a big funk.
So many things are up in the air right now.
We may finally be getting somewhere with Work Comp., but we do not want to look forward to it because it is highly likely that they will shut it down just as quickly as it was brought up.
Summer plans are completely up in the air at the present moment.
Wedding. I don't think I need to elaborate.
We are waiting to get the appeals process going in regards to custody.
I am thinking of possibly applying to study abroad for one of the semesters next year.
I have no prospects for a roommate for next school year.

I will not go into detail about most of that, but I just kind of want to hit on the last one.

Everyone had made plans about rooming together this coming year.
We lost one because she wants to live somewhere different than the rest of us.
So there are three of us left.
I had not had a chance to talk to anyone in quite a while about rooming situations.
I found out yesterday that the plans had been switched and I got completely left out of the equation.
So I went from thinking I had roommates to finding out that I have absolutely none.
I got left in the dust and did not even get told until way after the decision was made.
It kind of sucks finding out that your 'friends' up and changed rooming plans and did not even have the courtesy to tell you.
So now I am kind of just stuck in this spot where I feel like even has just left.
My 'friends' have just kind of pushed me aside as if i'm not important.
And I am not going to lie...it hurts a lot.
I am not quite sure how I am supposed to feel about it.
I am not sure how I am supposed to go about fixing the situation.
I feel stuck and I feel like i'm at a point again where I am losing my friends.
I do not like this point, but I always seem to hit it at somewhat regular intervals.
This is my life.

I could go into more details but I won't.
I can say that a lot of this comes down to the fact that I am a mess because of my past.
And it absolutely stinks.

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