Hey everyone!!

Well it's been a short while since i've posted anything and i'm sorry for my absence, but it was needed as the last few weeks have been hectic with finals, job stuff, and figuring out travel plans.

So for a quick overview of my life lately...

About a month ago I got a haircut (finally!) and new glasses! These glasses were about two years late and much needed!

This was right before heading home for Thanksgiving!
The Saturday before Thanksgiving my youngest biological sister came to stay with me at school for a few days before heading to New York for the holiday. Doesn't she just look thrilled to be hanging out with me for a few days?? Lol, she did have a 13 hour train ride before that so...

Getting back from Thanksgiving in NY I had to spend the next two weeks doing homework, practicing piano, finishing up projects and presentations, and getting details of work figured out.
It was pure craziness and sleep was a rarity!
There was one night I only got about an hour and a half because my brain just wouldn't slow down.

I spent several evenings and mornings in Larsen in a practice room for many hours practicing scales, triads, accompaniments, and repertoire pieces.
I really just thought this was a cool picture to record my clearly dedicated and focused practice time... :)

I really didn't have any big finals as they were all chapter tests, with the exception of piano.
One test however was take home, which was wonderful! And another test was open notes so that was a true blessing!!

The last couple days of finals week I spent time with my roomies and my 'roomies'.
All of us will be reunited in January when classes start again, with the exception of one. Nellie will be spending next semester on the other side of the pond. She will be taking classes and living in London. It isn't going to be the same with her gone but I know that she is going to have a great time!! And that God is going to do some amazing things in her and through her while she is there!
Plus we will be Skyping her during weekly Bible study...
Probably not every time but every now and then!

Me, Alaina, Emma, Mary, Alyssa, Jess, Nellie... Anna was working :(

The picture above is all of us minus Anna, who was working if I recall.
This was from the beginning of the semester at the Block Party.
The eight of us have all been living together since freshman year and we will likely be living together next year as well!! Well most of us anyways... (Save that info for later!)

The Sunday after finals I got to be in the Journey Tots room and got to spend time teaching and playing with this adorable little man! Noah is pretty stinking cute!
And he is going to be a big brother in just a few months!! Yay! :)

The beginning of December I officially started working at my church through NAMB.
This will be my job through next November, with the likelihood of continuing for the year after that.
I will continue doing what I already do with a few added jobs.
It is a blessing to be able to work doing what I love and enjoy while in college!
And it fits with my major and minor!
What are the odds?!
It truly is a blessing and I thank God for this opportunity!

Starbucks with Beth, Mary, Alyssa, and Emma!!

This picture really has nothing to do with this post, but I do look forward to spending time with all of those lovely ladies again in the coming semester!

So that is a brief overview and I look forward to getting some more posts up soon and hopefully more regularly this coming year!!
Hard to believe Christmas is next week and New Years the week after that!!
Where has the year gone?

Anyways, time to finish up work and prep for youth group tonight!
God bless you all!!

Que Sera, Sera

If you know any college kid, or just a school aged kid in general, then you know what the next couple of weeks are.

It is the much awaited Christmas Break.

For some of us college kids this is the end of the first week of break and for others it is only the beginning of break.

For me this is the end of the first week of Christmas Break.

I boarded the train last Saturday and arrived home at about 2am Sunday morning.

So I have been home just short of a week.

However, this has been the longest week.

I feel like I should be heading back to school next week, yet I have like two more weeks to go.

I just am not all that thrilled to be home and wish I could have stayed in Illinois.

I know my mom and sisters wanted me here, but other than that I have nothing here.

My home is in Illinois now and I want to be there so badly.

I hate that I feel so discontent being here, but at the same time I cannot pretend that I want to be here when in reality it is the last place that I want to be at this point in time.

My life is in Illinois despite the fact that I grew up here in Nebraska.

According to most people I should be excited to come back home and see friends and have fun with them, go to my home church and visit with everyone, go around town and see everyone I know, and in general just make my presence known to everyone in this small town in south central Nebraska.

Little do they know that that is not at all what I had planned.

I do not have friends in town to see and hang out with, go out to eat, crash at someone's house and watch movies and stay up late catching up with everything that has happened over the semester.

I have not had much in the way of friends in this town in years.

I do not even want to talk about church.

I dread the idea of even walking in the door and having to see everyone faking the smiles and the overly sweet sentiments from people who could not care less that I was back.

These people make a spectacle of saying hello and asking how things are going at school, but I can see right through their facade.

They never make an effort to talk to me otherwise.

They do not send me messages on Facebook, shoot me a text, call me up, or send me any letters.

They just throw on the smiles and the overly sweet words just because they have to keep up their image.

I mean nothing to the people in the church I spent 13 years of my life as a member of.

I knew they were not really huge fans of mine when I was there but I am not even a blip on their radar now.

I think it is better that way for me in the long run.

And in regards to the general public, I do not have much connections with people here. 

The only people who care that I am back are my babysitting families.

My kids have been waiting for me to get back for weeks and they are excited to see me.

If it were not for my kids I would not have anything happy to look forward to whatsoever.

I guess it is these times when I have come home that have really made it clear that going out of state for school was the best thing that I could have done for myself.

I would not have been happy had I stayed.

I am sure God would have worked things out, but it would not have been the same.

Coming here is hard for me to do anymore.

The anxiety that I was dealing with the night before, even the week before, leaving was ridiculous.

Coming here is such a strain on me physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.

It is not at all that I do not like the town and the area, but rather that I do not like the people here.

All of their drama and all of the craziness that comes along with them.

I am about ready to just clear out my Facebook and leave only a couple of really close family friends on their from the area.

I do not have a reason to keep connected with all these people.

They could not care less about what happens to me and really I am done dealing with the drama.

I have also realized since being home that I really need to tell my mom that I switched my major. 

I just do not know how she is going to take it.

I know I need to before I leave for St. Louis next week because my grandparents know and will probably say something.

I just feel like she has been pulling a guilt trip on me and she does not even know it.

She is constantly talking about Graduate school and internships and jobs.

All of these things that she has gotten herself attached to.

I feel like if I tell her she is going to freak out and then I am going to feel like I let her down.

I just do not feel like following that major was a good fit for me.

I did not like the classes related to it and therefore was not doing well.

But I did take a class related to my new major and I really enjoyed it.

(Which is surprising because it was all about the History and Philosophy of Education. Sounds like lots of fun, I know.)

I am really excited for my classes regarding my major that I am taking this coming semester.

Applied Arts for Teachers, Educational & Developmental Psychology, First Aid & Emergency Care, etc.

There is even a piano class in there!!!
I am so looking forward to this semester, but my mom does not know that I am taking them.

I just know she is going to pull the whole "Do you know how much I've put into this? Too much for you to be changing your major now!! What do you think this is? We can't afford you switching now! And what the heck even brought this idea into your think skull? I can't believe you would do this!! Everything was planned out and I'm working my butt off to get you through school and you go and do this?" ...etc., etc., etc. 

The whole thing will turn into a yelling match and will revolve around her and what she has done for my schooling.

It will have nothing to do with what I feel like I should do and what I feel God is leading me to.

None of that will matter at all when I tell her.

It's so stinking frustrating.

ARGH.

I just do not know what to do. :( 

But like Sly and The Family Stone say...

Que Sera, Sera....Whatever Will Be, Will Be