One Of My Present Dilemmas...

At this time of night I really just feel like being completely honest with you all. It may take me a minute of rambling to get there but I really feel that I need to just open up. It's been said that people like to read posts that are written by people who are genuine. Well, I want to be really genuine with you all tonight/this morning. My heart has really been heavy the last couple months about a particular topic and I have talked about it some with Kristin, but not as much as I feel like I need to. While those talks have helped, I really felt a need to share this with my followers & fellow bloggers. So here it goes...

The last couple months have really been rough for me in the area of relationships. I find it extremely hard to be one of the very few of my friends who are still single. I keep getting Facebook messages & news feed updates about friends getting engaged, married, and even having kids. Yet I sit around eating food, listening to sappy love songs, and reading blogs. I really have this desire to have a relationship and get married in the future. Thing is...watching all my friends get engaged and married makes me extremely impatient with the whole waiting thing that I seem to be doing. I know that God has a plan for me and that His plan in this particular area of my life will be far better than anything I could dream of. Yet I find it hard to just sit back and trust Him about it. I just want to move things along.

It also hasn't helped that i've had a few rough experiences with guys in the past year, one of which has really had a fairly negative affect on me. It is not that these guys were bad guys. They were all Christians, some stronger than others, and we had a lot in common, but the timing was just off. I don't know if things will change in regards to any of them in the future but at this point they are not in the picture in that manner anymore. It is hard to not sit around and wonder why I have went almost 21 years now without a boyfriend/relationship and at this point it seems as though the prospects are few and far between. It is hard not to wonder what's wrong with me and if i'm doing something that is pushing them away unintentionally. I know that I do have some things that I do subconsciously and I am working on fixing those. It can just get hard when everyone around you seems to be in a relationship and you're just kinda sitting on the sidelines by yourself.

I definitely feel that this will not be the case forever, but there are moments when I even question that. It is just hard to wait when you hit that age where everyone else is getting married and you still haven't had a single boyfriend. Everyone asks about who you are interested in and asks why you aren't dating anyone and other such questions. I really just wish I no longer had to deal with that. But I know that part of the waiting process is having patience. It will all work out how it is supposed to.

I hope I didn't make this too repetitive or anything, but this has just really been something that I am struggling with. I know this isn't a super specific post and maybe later i'll be more specific about it, but for now I think i've shared enough of the basics. My hope is that this does not seem like complaining because it is not. This is just something that has been on my heart lately and has been a big struggle.



Have any of you been in this situation or felt the same? What are some things that you have done that helped make it easier? Have you learned anything in your period of waiting?